The Grace Challenge: Grace in the Marriage Bed
Physical intimacy hasn’t always been simple for me because I have issues when it comes to the marriage bed.
-Issues like a promiscuous past. This really messed with my mind and my emotions once I married my beloved.
-Comparing myself to my husband’s former wife who divorced him.
low no sex drive during certain seasons of my life. And I’ve had seasons where my drive has been higher than my husband’s. Go figure!
-Dealing with the physical pain of sex after I had my children.
-Living with chronic fatigue for over a decade. Who really wants to have sex when you’re tired, right?
So, has physical intimacy been difficult for me in my marriage? Well, by the looks of the above list, I’m sure any wife could say a resounding yes!
I share my struggles here because I know that I’m not the only wife who has dealt with (or dealing with) these issues, and quite frankly, I think most wives deal with some sort of issue in her marriage bed.
Whether it’s something similar to my list or something all together very different, like a woman who was raised to be very modest (which I believe in) yet, she can’t let go of that teaching now that she’s married. She’s having a hard time transitioning from being modest to open and vulnerable with her husband in their marriage bed.
Physical. Emotional. Mental. Spiritual. All 4 of these aspects affect the marriage bed.
Let’s look at the physical side of sex…
If you have physical pain during intimacy, you’re not going to enjoy it. Simple as that. (Obviously, get checked out by a doctor so you can figure out how to fix the problem.)
If you’re exhausted on a regular basis you’ll most likely not want to be intimate since intimacy requires a little bit of exertion. 🙂
Work with your husband in this area as trials are designed to draw us closer together rather than tear us apart.
The emotional side of sex…
If you’ve been offended by your husband or if you’re nursing a grudge, most likely you won’t want to take off your clothes and get in bed with your man. Or maybe your marriage is void of emotional intimacy? If so, the natural by-product is a marriage void of physical intimacy.
Do apologies need to be extended so grace can gloriously unfold in your marriage?
Here’s an example of being weighed down mentally….
Our crazy, hectic schedules. The constant needs of others all day long can usually make a wife not want anything to do with being intimate with her husband.
Or perhaps we’re mentally consumed with our to-do lists? Financial worry?
Do you need to lower your expectations or standards in order to enjoy the marriage bed? Hand some of your concerns over to the Lord.
Then the spiritual side of physical intimacy…
Holding on to what took place in your past whether it was you being promiscuous before marriage or if your husband had past lovers, this can cause a stumbling block in your marriage bed. (Or maybe there’s been adultery or porn use? These issues require posts of their own as they are outside of the scope of what I’m addressing here.)
In order to experience God’s grace, you’ve got to embrace God’s truth. When the Bible says we’re forgiven of our sins when need to believe that truth instead of allowing the Enemy to condemn us of our pasts. And when God says to forgive others, we need to forgive them rather than live our lives based on our feelings.
Keep this last thing in mind when it comes to your physical intimacy- God created it, therefore, it’s a beautiful thing. However, as married women, we have a threat to our marriage and his name is Satan. He’s looking to devour your marital union and he would love to destroy your physical intimacy.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8
When you look at all 4 aspects of physical intimacy- Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual, where do you need to receive God’s grace? And/or where do you need to extend God’s grace?
Join me next Wednesday for week #4: Grace in Your Mothering
Prior posts in this series:
Week #1: 7 Truths You Need to Know About God’s Grace
Week #2: Grace in Your Marriage
Live a poured out life for Christ,
I love the book And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura Brotherson. A great read on bringing sexual relations into the light and in the context they should be used. Helped me out so much in this regard!
Great! Thanks for sharing this resource.
My husband and I met when we were 12 in youth group at church, started courting at 15 and married at 19. We saved sex for marriage and were both virgins when we got married…we didn’t even have past relationships! I thought married life would be a piece of cake. That was until the sexual abuse of my childhood creeper into my marriage bed. I had a VERY hard time being physically intimate. Thank GOD I have an amazing, patient, and understanding husband!! But it has really bothered me over the years. My husband’s patience and willingness to talk about ALL my feelings helped bring me into the fullness of sexual intimacy with him…but ever so often it creeps up again and I clam up. Thank goodness for grace! We’ve been married 12 years now, and I’m just grateful it’s something we could work through.
My Husband and I met when we were 14. I never had another man in my life. We married at the age of 19. My husband and I have been married for 38 years, within those years he has been unfaithful. The most recent deception occurred when I became ill approximately 10 years ago. The woman confronted me, and he was bringing her into our home when I returned to work.
He will not go anyplace with me and over the past year he has failed to be affectionate at all.
I do care for him and attempt to show him affection , but he pushes me away to the point that he has been physically abusive. On December 1st, I invited him to a function. He informed me that he does not want to go anyplace with me or do anything with me. He does not want anything to do with me , but I refuse to believe him. He tells me that I think that I am perfect. He accuses me of being a witch and trying to put a spell on him , when I invite him to go to church or pray with me. He has greatly changed after her has met this woman. Sometimes I feel that I cannot compete with her due to the fact that she is so much “fun”. She drinks and does so much more. I do not.
I am still serving him in every way, but I don’t know what more I can do. I am grateful that I found this site. It gives me Hope and I know that GOD will return him to me once more.
Thank you for all of the advice and guidance.
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