I’m Not Strong Enough
I am not strong enough to go where you are sending me Lord.
Just to write this post brings me to tears and yet the situation has passed.
Would I be ignored?
Would I be glared at?
Would I be attacked?
Would I be received?
Would there be conflict?
Those were the questions circling my anxious heart as I prepared to go to my brother’s wedding.
As we drove over, the radio was playing and the song, “Outcast” came on.
My youngest said, “Mommy’s song is playing.”
Isn’t that the truth I thought, and so timely at that!
I listened to the lyrics again and as usual they resonated with my soul.
Outcast Lyrics:
Since I can remember, guess I’ve been a problem
Never had a filter, never been the popular one
To sugar coat what I know is undeniable
I just can’t hide it, I wear it like a “letter”
Everywhere I go, everyone is talking
I can feel them staring, they hope I’m just pretending
And giving up my power, caving into pressure
I’m not living for them, I live for something better
I’m not good enough, I’m not what they want
But let me tell you what, I know who I am
So just throw me out for not fitting in
I will stand my ground and be an outcast
So what if I’m an outcast
So what if I’m an outcast
So what if I don’t look the part I’m supposed to play
What if I don’t follow all the rules they make
They think I should be perfect
They love it when I mess up
No grace in case I blow it
“A good girl shouldn’t need it:
I’m not good enough, I’m not what they want
But let me tell you what, I know who I am
So just throw me out for not fitting in
I will stand my ground and be an outcast
So what if I’m an outcast
So what if I’m an outcast
So slow when everybody’s so fast
So what if I’m an outcast
I try to play nice, I don’t want to fight
But I won’t be gray when it’s all black and white (my emphasis)
‘Cause what I believe is what makes me strong
If I don’t belong I hold on to love
So what if I’m an outcast
So what if I’m an outcast
So slow when everybody’s so fast
No matter what it costs, I’ll be an outcast
I’m not good enough, I’m not what they want
But let me tell you what, I know who I am
So just throw me out for not fitting in
I will stand my ground and be an outcast
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Matthew 5:44
Pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-19
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoices; and with my song will I praise him. Psalm 28:7
Wow, what a powerful post! It’s not easy to be rejected by your family.
Family gatherings can be so hard sometimes, I know just how you felt.
A hug (((Jolene))) from someone who knows the pain of rejection and broken commitments and hurt inflicted by family. You are loved and I am grateful that you are able to minister to me and so many others through your written word. Love you sister.