1. i wish I had had this advice before my first marriage. I am thankful that as a widow the Lord gave me grace to wait on him. Seven men failed to measure up before meeting my present husband. What a blessing to be remarried to a godly man. Thank you for this excellent advice.

  2. Very interesting comments. Please have your husband now write an article “The kind of woman I would not marry.” Thanks

  3. Fantastic article!! I’m going to keep this as a checklist and reminder as I wait for God’s best for me. God bless you!!

  4. Thank you for this article. I couldn’t agree with you more. My life before Christ was a life of misery, lots of pain and a failed marriage! Now that I’ve been living for God my life has been transformed. I am now in a godly relationship with a man who I not only respect but would actually follow. He speaks Gods truth over me and encourages me to seek God first! I couldn’t be more grateful for the man God has brought into my life.

    1. Anabel,
      Isn’t it amazing how God transforms lives when we fully surrender to Him? My life was a train-wreck before Christ too. It’s not easy to humble ourselves and trust Him when His ways are counter to our culture. But, He is all-knowing! That in itself should be enough for us to submit our will to Him.

  5. I am, amongst other women here who are married, who wished she had this advice really pressed into me to listen to and hear. But the honest truth is that I did hear it but did not listen. Reasons I feel I didn’t is because I was afraid of letting go and being alone, now I’m miserable. I probably shouldn’t have read this but I am praying and thinking about the single ladies out there who has read this, and will stand firm and not change their character or what they believe is God’s best for them.

    I’m just at this point in my life and going on to two years of marriage where I am almost spiritually dead and emotionally drained. I was warned and I chose to not listen. I didn’t wait on God’s timing when I thought I was doing that.
    Now what do I do? Am I going to live missing out on God’s best for me?

    Thank you for posting this for the single Christian ladies Jolene! I apologize for my response if it came off wrong. I post this to hopefully save another gal from making the mistakes I made.

    1. I relate to you 100%; in fact your words could be my words. I was warned with red flags by the Holy Spirit but chose to explain them away. Single ladies, let me tell you, it’s better to WANT something you don’t have, than to have something you DON’T want!! Don’t set yourself up for heartache, ladies.

    2. No need to apologize, sweetheart. And try not to lose heart. God is in the business of redeeming, restoring, and transforming lives. Run to Him. Get filled with His word and His presence. Start there first!

      1. Thank you Jolene! Your exactly right. Before I got married, Jesus was all that I ever needed and ever wanted. My life was never the same when He found me and saved me. In need of being redeemed and saved again.
        Thank you!

    3. Reana, I was given so many red flags leading up to our marriage. I also chose to not listen. Many of the characteristics Jolene wrote about were character traits of my husband. I even heard God verbally tell me – as I was standing at the back of the church on my wedding day, waiting to walk down to my soon-to-be husband – to NOT GO THROUGH WITH THIS. All I could think about was how I would “never” meet another man, look at all those people who came to my wedding, how I couldn’t walk out now…I lived for 26 years in condemnation because of MY CHOICE. No more. I have forgiven myself as God has forgiven me, and God in his grace and mercy is giving ME grace for this journey. I am learning to love my husband as I should. Is it always a romantic love? No, but it is a GOD love. I had to decide that God would be my husband in areas where my own can’t or won’t be – and God has been so gracious to meet me right there. We are two months into our 26th year – yep, I’ve lived our ENTIRE marriage in condemnation. But, God…

      Dear one, forgive yourself. Fall in love with Jesus. I know that just as my sin of disobedience to God will be used as a foundation for an amazing testimony of God’s grace and possibly a future ministry to other women, He can do the same with yours. Love him. Let him redeem your disappointments, hurts, frustrations, anger – whatever the emotions you are dealing with. He loves you so much more than your husband ever will – and HE will NEVER let you down.

      1. Kari,

        Your words brought me to tears. Thank you, I needed to hear this.
        I’m filled with all sorts of mixed emotions, and believe have fallen into depression. Not just with this, but feeling as if I have been making mistake after mistake all my life. Its hard, its really hard to look at my husband the way God wants me to right now. Who I was before I met him was getting ready to break out and get healing of my past, getting married actually made things worse and I wish I had listened.

        It’ll take time but all the while the One I’m clinging to is still my hiding place, my refuge, and my peace. I truly appreciate what you said and sharing with me your story, and how God has been with you through what you’ve been through. Your words touched me and gave me a little bit of hope to keep carrying on.
        Thank you!

        1. We all fall short. (Romans 3:23) Run to the Hope-Giver and ask Him to break the chains of condemnation that you are wearing. A wardrobe like that is straight from Satan’s closet for there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

          There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1

  6. Thank you for this advice! I will definitely try to follow it in the “choice” of who I marry. After repeatedly having to take charge of many things it’s really hard for me to leave it up to a man. I pray that God will help me in this matter.
    I would also be interested in an article about the kind of woman I would not marry.

  7. I wish I could have seen this before I said I do, boy did things change.

  8. A simple thank you for all the hard work and attention to detail that your site fills my heart with. You always stay true to God’s word and i appreciate that. Each email seems to come at just the right time for what is going on in my life. I pray that you are having a blessed day and thank you again!
    Even my boyfriend enjoys you and your husband. What a beautiful relationship you have. It’s inspiring. This site was recommended to me by a friend and I have “poured” it out to my friends as well.

  9. Thank you,
    God was definitely speaking thru your words, as hard as they may be to hear
    This is where many single Christian women end up, when tired of waiting and feeling they will be single the rest of their life.
    We sell ourselves short, begin to settle, even convince ourselves God will change him, all the while excusing away his unGodly behavior.
    These characteristics are not from God and are definitely not His best for His beautiful daughters.
    We can’t let compromise come into our lives down to lowering the bar.
    We should be looking at Godly standards, not perfect but someone who is willingly allowing God to transform them into Christs image.
    Thank you again for this beautifully candid non sugarcoated conformation.
    God Bless you for your obedience!
    With love in Christ

    1. You are welcome, Julie. Oh how I would love to sugarcoat a message! But my King has called me to do otherwise and the temperment He has given me is that of a warrior. Somedays I’m like a tender little lamb left wounded on the battlefield because of the attacks. But The Good Shepherd never leaves my side and He always nurses me back to a place of conviction and courage.

  10. Jolene, thank you for your words of wisdom! I am a single Christian woman and I believe God has finally brought me the man he has for me. However, I want to make sure I am hearing from God’s word, and not just my own emotions, every step of the way. Thank you for your guidance in helping me to do just that.

  11. Ur awesome I couldn’t stop reading it. Even though u told us not 2. I only wish I knew all this 6 yrs ago. Thank GOD 4 his wisdom Thanks b blessd. I read Jill’s post. I don’t want a divorce. I’m standing on GODs word. 2 break the generational of divorce curse out of our family . I’ll b soooooooo glad when my husband is saved sanctified & filled with the holy ghost. & Is the mighty mam of valor hes supposed 2 b. AMAN. All of u guys make good points b blessd

  12. Thank you so much! I am struggling getting over my ex and when I read these things and see that he fits to almost everything in your checklist of bad characters, I realize again that the fault isn’t with me and that I need to trust the Lord for a Godly man.

  13. I actually agree with Steve! Although I am a woman – I think your husband writing an article about ‘The Kind of Woman I would Not Marry’ – or at least him giving his thoughts on this topic and you writing the article -from his point of view – would be a GREAT resource for the men who read your posts. I know your husband is busy with his work, but he has given great insight in the past. There are probably more men than you think reading your wonderful posts – and don’t forget – that would still be a great article for women to read too, making sure that they aren’t a type of woman, or have certain hangups, that a man would not marry. I know it would apply to the singles – but for us marrieds, I think it would also keep things in perspective and stay focused, and make sure we don’t take things for granted either 🙂

    1. I hear you, Sandy. There are so many requests from us that we can’t handle all of them. I consider every email I receive and comment left on my site. I do my best to cover the needs of the Body of Christ. So many questions, so little time. 🙂

  14. Oh. My. Goodness. Thank you sooooo much! I really needed to read this. I feel like you wrote some of these just for me. Some were hard to accept, but God always lets me know when He needs me to hear him, cuz he confirms it. And even reading thru the comments of other women who got married & was not suppose to, then hearing how miserable they are for years. We just set a date for Sept 2nd to get married & God started showing me things. In all honesty, He was showing me before, but I kept excusing things away. Jolene, you have sincerely been a blessing & I thank God for you! Thank you for writing this, I believe it has truly saved my spiritual life & relationship with my Heavenly Father.
    Now, how do I let him know that this is not right? The enemy brings fear, (that I know is not of God), because I know how he’s going to react to my decision. I pray for God’s wisdom, guidance & strength to get thru this. Thank you again!

  15. God bless you Jolene for this piece. My major problem has been lost of flesh and with that I keep going through the wrong relationships. Thanks for this message. I’m really working and looking forward to a new me and I know by God’s grace I’m about to meet the right man for me. Lots of love from Nigeria.

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