What Kind of Wife Do You Want to Be? 7 Virtues a Christ-Centered Wife Should Pursue

My soul was overwhelmed with my to-do list from our recent move.  My life felt turned upside down.  Out of order.  Lacking routine.  Yet, I knew I needed to put my home in order because if my home wasn’t in order, my head wouldn’t be either.

I’m the keeper of the home so my family was naturally looking to me to know where to put away such and such item, as well as where to find it a few weeks later! 🙂

Where are the light bulbs? What drawer is the silverware in?  Where are the towels so I can take a shower? And what’s for dinner?

To say I was irritated with the men in my home was a complete understatement.  After all, it wasn’t that hard to open up a few drawers in the kitchen to figure out where the forks were.

And then to hear my husband complain about how I was setting up the home, well, that didn’t go over too well for me.  It wasn’t like I was dragging my feet and procrastinating on this business of unpacking.  I had all of our boxes unpacked within the first 3 weeks of us moving.  Even in the midst of workers who had to be coordinated to show up and fix the plumbing problems, mold problems, roof leaks, and air conditioning issues.

Yes, all of those issues could set any woman over the edge and cause her to lose it in 2 seconds!

I laid in bed from sheer exhaustion when I asked myself this question,

“What kind of wife do I want to be?”

Sure, I could blame my husband or my teens for pushing me over the edge.  Or I could blame my circumstances for the pressure I was under.  But I had to look deeper within my soul.

Would I allow my circumstances to dictate my character?

Yeah, that question hurt.

What did I need to do to be Christ-centered rather than me-centered?  And the thought returned…

What kind of wife do I want to be?

In the midst of trying times in our lives, that one little question is a great question to ask ourselves.

• It helps up to keep our priorities straight.
• It causes us to contemplate our actions and attitudes.
• And it re-adjusts our hearts leading us to seek out the Living Water when our souls are parched.

So I came up with this list to remind myself of the type of wife I’d like to be regardless of what my husband does or doesn’t do.

After all, he is not the one I bow down to.

He is not the one I’ll stand before when my life here on earth is over.

He is not the one my soul cries out to serve.

And he is not my Savior.  That position belongs solely to Jesus Christ.

Bottom line:

A wife’s character should not be determined by her husband’s character.

7 Virtues a Christ-Centered Wife Should Pursue

1. Gracious.

Definition: pleasantly kind, benevolent, and courteous.

• Good-hearted
• Approachable
• Hospitable
• Accepting

Opposite of Gracious:

• Critical
• Impolite
• Irritable

Scripture to meditate on: Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the king as a friend. Proverbs 22:11 (NLT)

Application: A wife with gracious speech will have her husband as her friend.

2. Supportive.

Definition:  Providing sympathy or encouragement.

• Helpful
• Complementary

Opposite of Supportive:

• Self-centered
• Discouraging
• Opposition
• Disapproval

Scripture to meditate on: …even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.  Psalm 139:10 (NLT)

Application: A supportive wife will provide strength to her husband.

3. Respectful.

Definition of Respectful: full of, characterized by, or showing politeness or deference.

• Admire
• Humble
• Adore
• Honor
• Regard

Opposite of Respectful:

• Inconsiderate
• Proud

Scripture to meditate on:…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph. 5:33

Application:  This command from the Lord did not come with a clause.  Nowhere in scripture does it say, “If my husband deserves my respect, then I’ll choose to respect him.”  Because I want to be a wise wife, I think I’ll listen to the Lord instead of my emotions.  Will you as well?

4. Faithful.

Definition of Faithful: true to one’s word, promises, vows, etc.  Steady in allegiance or affection.

• Loyal
• Constant
• Unwavering
• Reliable
• Excellent

Opposite of Faithful:

• Unstable
• Inconsistent
• Uncertain

Scripture to meditate on: An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.  Proverbs 31:10

Application: Your worth as a capable, faithful, and honorable wife is more precious than jewels.  See the value in your noble role.

5. Wise.

Definition of Wise: having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right; possessing discernment, judgment, or discretion.

• Intelligent
• Reasonable
• Aware
• Careful

Opposite of Wise:

• Foolish
• Careless
• Inattentive

Scripture to meditate on: A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

Application: A wise wife will build up her husband with encouraging and gracious words.

6. Kind.

Definition of Kind: of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person.

• Affectionate
• Tender-hearted
• Compassionate
• Considerate

Opposite of Kind:

• Disagreeable
• Thoughtless
• Rude
• Mean

Scripture to meditate on: Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you. Proverbs 11:17 (NLT)

Application: A kind wife will bring reward to your soul and to your husband’s, but a cruel wife will bring destruction to your marriage.

7. Passionate.

Definition of Passionate: having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid.

• Loving
• Romantic

Opposite of Passionate:

• Apathetic
• Uncaring
• Cold

Scripture to meditate on: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  1 Cor. 7:9 (NIV)

Application:  At one point in our relationship, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.  Seek to rekindle that type of passion rather than let it die down.

I want God’s glory to spill out into my soul.  When this happens, His glory spills out into the souls of those around me, namely my husband. That’s the kind of wife I want to be.  One who declares His glory to a dark world, and sometimes a dark home when you can’t find the light bulbs.

What kind of wife do you want to be?  Are you willing to embrace these 7 virtues?

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle