He walked out of the house one day in a rush and just before he shut the front door he snapped at me. His tone was harsh and his mood was irritable.
The term, “kicked the dog” came to my mind and I felt like I was the dog he just kicked.
My flesh wanted to snap back and kick back…but I’ve studied that man of mine for over 16 years now. I know that him snapping at me is not a common practice in our marriage and if it was, I would certainly bring it to his attention!
I knew something was going on in his heart but I was unsure of what it was. Me reacting to him wouldn’t strengthen our marriage- it would just create a crack in it, a crack that Satan would be ever so quick to widen. As I processed what just took place, I felt it was best to wait to talk with him when the time was right.
Then I turned to him and smiled and told him to have a good day. (It’s taken me years to have self-control to do this! And unfortunately, I don’t always practice having a gracious spirit towards him.)
So have you been on the receiving end of a harsh word? Or maybe your guy wants to make a decision for the family that you don’t agree with? Perhaps you’re facing situations that are causing the two of you to be at odds?
So, what’s a wife to do in situations like these? Let’s connect the dots from our reality to our Christ-centered destination…
Getting wisdom is the first step to becoming a wise wife. Simple, right? But where do we get wisdom? By attending a university? Nope. Getting a PhD? Nope. Reading an abundance of books? Nope. Having conversations with intellectuals? Nope. These pursuits will bring you knowledge, but you will not obtain wisdom. Wisdom comes from only one Source- the fear of the Lord.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. Psalm 111:10
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Prov. 9:10
I want to be a wise wife and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. Identifying the Source of wisdom and then yielding our will to the Word of God will cause one to be wise. But growing in wisdom takes time.
When I was newly saved and then married, I didn’t understand the Bible like I do today, nor did I understand my husband in those early years of marriage like I do now.
Fast forward to 16 years later…
When my man came home later that day we sat and chatted. I asked him what was going on in his heart and mind. What I was doing was becoming emotionally and mentally one flesh with him. I listened to him spill his struggles and stresses, which allowed me to become empathetic and compassionate towards him. This exercise gave me the opportunity to see life through his perspective, which in turn caused me to kindly share my emotions when he snapped at me earlier that morning. As a result, he was quick to apologize for his actions towards me.
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19,20
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Prov. 31:26
I have learned that it is better for me to be swift to hear and slow to speak in my marriage, otherwise I’ll be quick to judge and lash out- a path that will quickly lead to a foolish wife.
Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding. Prov. 10:13
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Prov. 17:27
My situation that morning didn’t require me to seek out Godly counsel, but sometimes it does. Sometimes you and your man can be at a crossroads of not knowing what to do in your situation. When faced with a decision should you be wise and seek counsel from the Lord as well as other Believers? Well, let’s turn to the Word and find out what it says:
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Prov. 11:14
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise. Prov. 12:15
Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. Prov. 15:22
God’s Word is pretty clear on making decisions. Seek help! But don’t go getting advice from just anyone. The Bible is crystal clear that you should be receiving counsel from the Godly, not the ungodly. In other words, don’t go asking Oprah or your unsaved mama what you should do!
Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:1-2
I love what my pastor says when making a decision: “What verse has God given you to make that choice?” It’s a simple tool, isn’t it?
Now let me give you 10 more to help you grow into a wise wife.
10 Steps to becoming a Wise wife:
- Fear the Lord.
- Study the Word.
- Study your guy.
- Be slow to speak.
- Be slow to react.
- Seek Godly counsel when needed.
- Listen to your guy.
- Listen to the Holy Spirit.
- Trust the Lord.
- Speak with kindness.
A wise wife will choose God’s ways rather than her ways. Are you up to the challenge of pursing His ways in your marriage?
Here’s a free printable for you- 10 Steps to Becoming a Wise Wife.
More posts in the Becoming a Christ-Centered Wife series:
- The Content Wife
- The Confident Wife
- The Wife Who Bases Her Life on the Bible rather than Her Emotions
- The Wife Who Looks at the Cross
- The Faith-Filled Wife (Part 1)
- The Faith-Filled Wife (Part 2)
- The Wise Wife
- The Patient Wife
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Need some encouragement in your marriage? If so, I can help you here.
Sign up and get my FREE guide, 10 Guidelines for Better Communication. Plus, receive future blog posts delivered to your inbox.