10 Things a Hurting Husband Needs from His Wife

I’m a broken woman in so many ways.  I was broken before I came to Christ and I was broken before I got married.  God has broken me after I walked down the aisle and He has broken me while I’ve been walking The Narrow Path.

I’m broken…..and I’m okay with that.  However, I didn’t always feel this way!

So as I write this letter to you, dear friend, I write it as a broken vessel; one who is thoroughly acquainted with:

• pain
• rejections
• persecutions
• rejections
• physical limitations
• heartaches
• rejections
• failures
• depression
• despair
• and oh, I can’t forget….rejections!

I’m a walking scar, and I know it.  Although my scars don’t define me, they have shaped me.  But, I’m transformed, made whole in Christ, and embraced by the One Who is Defined by His Scars.

So I get it.  I get the hurting, the fear of the unknown, the disappointments, as well as the insecurities that one faces.

I love this picture of this couple walking through a storm. It reminds me of life, going through hard times and unforeseen circumstances.  These were the words from the photographer who took the picture.

A cyclone named ‘Thane’ hit Tamilnadu coast yesterday. Most parts we affected due to heavy rains and thunderstorms including Chennai where the sea water came 500 meters into the city till the service road in Chennai Marina Beach. I was there to shoot some photos, and I was shocked to see this couple walking in the waters and enjoying the climate. I watched them for quite a while before taking this shot. They were never perturbed by anything around them. Even a cyclone cannot stop lovers

We will always have storms in our life, and we won’t always make the right decisions.  We won’t always follow-through on things we need to do because, let’s face it, we’re lazy.  When we’re faced with difficulties and those moments in life where we say, “I can’t believe this is happening to us,” we are faced with a choice.

We can either walk through the storm with our man and our God, or we can go through life short-sighted; not realizing there’s a bigger picture.  God always has a plan for what we endure and what we struggle with, but we can’t always see it!

When my Beloved was faced with a law suit, an IRS audit, the loss of our home, and the loss of his business (all at the same time, mind you) he was one broken man and I don’t mean for just one day. The storm he was walking through went on for over 5 years.  Yet, the Lord allowed all of these things to take place in our lives even though we were intentional about pursing Christ day in and day out.

So, was my man depressed?  Yes, on several occasions he was.  Just like I was depressed from time to time when I walked through the valley of my 10 plus years of chronic and debilitating illnesses.  I know as Christians we shouldn’t be depressed, but our life hurt, and we just couldn’t see the bigger picture.  We couldn’t see how what we were going through would work for good. (Romans 8:28)  But today I can see it.

My encouragement to you would be to go through your storms together with God as the umbrella covering the two of you.  Sometimes life will require your husband to hold the umbrella to help you through the stormy weather and other times your husband will need your help.  Remember that the two of you are one flesh.

10 Things a Hurting Husband Needs from His Wife

1. He needs your encouragement, not your rejection.
2. He needs you to forgive him for his failures and wrong choices.
3. He needs you to believe in him.
4. He needs you to intercede to the Lord on his behalf.
5. He needs you to be his friend and his lover.
6. He needs you to love him for who he is and where he’s at, rather than his potential.
7. He needs you to focus on your growth in the Lord rather than you focusing on his growth.
8. He needs you to minister to him.  When my Beloved was broken, I made it my aim to build him up and speak the Words of Life into him as often as I could.  I’d share the Scriptures with him by either reading him the Word or by writing verses and leaving them on his desk or chair.  The word of God does not return void.  (If he’s not a Believer and he’s hostile toward the Gospel message, then just pray for him and make sure your conduct and attitude are filled with love and grace.)
9. When your man is down, it’s easy for a wife to just take over….but I caution you not take this path without first asking your husband a boatload of questions.  If your man feels emasculated by your leadership, he’ll withdraw even more.  So tread lightly here.  Continue to refer to him and find out how he wants things done and then follow through on his request.  This action may provoke him to get out of his pit.
10. You’ve got to be in the Word of God as if your life depended on it because that’s where your Source of Strength will come from.

Put your hope in the Lord as you wait for God to move in your man’s heart.

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.  Psalm 39:7

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

P.S. This coming Fall I’ll be speaking on God’s Prescription for a Thriving Marriage at an online conference. This means no matter where you live (as long as you have internet) you can join me–in your jammies if you’d like!

Find out more here.