“Come be my friend,” were the words my Beloved said to me.
I was a little puzzled by what he meant by that, after all, he was working in the garage and well, I wasn’t.
As newlyweds I loved spending time with my husband but what on earth would I be doing as his friend, in the garage?
So I asked him, “What does being your friend look like in this situation?”
“Just sit out here and talk with me while I work on things,” he said.
Well, I thought, that’s easy enough. It’s not like he was asking me to change the oil in his car.
So I dragged my chair out and plopped myself in the driveway and there I sat as the two of us conversed. Sometimes we just chatted about the small stuff and other times we got into theological conversations or planned for our future. And sometimes I just sat there reading a book while he was cutting or welding metal. It didn’t really matter what the two of us were doing because it was my presence that he enjoyed.
Now I stand in the kitchen making dinner and I say to my Beloved,
“Come be my friend.” (That’s code for: come hang out with me in here and let’s make garlic bread together.)
Now I’m going to give you ways to help you connect with your man!
5 Ways to Bond with Your Husband
1. Be his friend.
Is there a hobby or an activity that the two of you can do together?
Before my husband and I had children we would go for runs together. When the babies came we continued to do this by adding the baby to a jogging stroller. As our family grew, so did our strollers. (And yes, the runs became much harder and shorter! And sometimes we just went for a walk! 🙂 ) To this day both of us know that if either one of says, “Want to go for a run”, we’re seeking each other’s companionship.
2. Be interested in what he’s interested in.
Tonight I just returned from a weekend business conference with my husband. My man wanted me by his side and I wanted to be with him even though the topics discussed this weekend weren’t geared towards my interests. But in spite of not being fully thrilled with what was covered at the conference, what did thrill me was being with my husband, therefore I was happy to go.
So, follow your husband’s lead when it comes to his interests. A man typically isn’t drawn to a woman’s interests. For example, how many men would you find at a scrapbook party? Not too many! If he’s interested in golf, try golfing with him. If he’s interested in shooting, go to a shooting range with him. Sporting events? Give it a try. Move towards his interests first and then it’ll be easier for him to engage with you.
My husband has many interests ranging from rock climbing, to playing volleyball, to welding. I’ve tried many of them and we’ve settled on a few where the two of us can be equally yoked.
3. Ask him questions.
Since I sat in on the conference this weekend I was able to be a part of my husband’s world. I could ask him questions regarding what he was learning because I was learning about it too.
Whether you can attend a conference with your husband or not, you can still learn about his world. Ask about his day when he comes home and be prepared to fully listen and engage with him. If you’ve got young children, you’ll need to train them to not interrupt while you and their father spend time talking with each other. When my boys were young lads I was extremely intentional about training them to do something else and not to interrupt us while my husband and I had this time set aside each day. This time is designed solely for the two of you to reconnect.
4. Make sure you have interests outside of your children.
Many parents make the mistake in having their world revolve around the life of their kids. The couple’s ‘thing’ to do together is to hang out with their children all the time. Here’s the danger in this… at some point in their lives their kids will leave the nest, leaving the husband and wife to feel disconnected from one another. As our kids become adults, their lives won’t revolve around us, nor should it! If they marry someday they are to leave their family and cleave to their spouse.
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:24 (RSV)
Yep, being naked with your man will certainly cause the two of you to bond! Just sayin’. 🙂
Now it’s your turn. What other things can you do to bond with your man?
Live a poured out life for Christ,
5 Days to a Better Marriage
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