How a Wife’s Emotions Affect Physical Intimacy

A wife’s emotions are most certainly connected to her desire, or lack thereof, in wanting to be intimate with her husband, after all, God did not make us robots and we’re certainly not Stepford wives!

Our husbands may say some unkind words that can cause us to want to emotionally withdraw from the relationship, which means that having sex with him is the last thing we’d want to do.  But biblically speaking, we’re not to deny our husband.

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.  1 Cor. 7:5,6

So what’s a wife to do in this situation?  Just lay there like a dead fish?  Um, I think not!

There’s no shame in a wife not wanting to be intimate with her husband if he’s offended her by either his words or actions. However, it’s not wise for a wife to stay in that place in her relationship, otherwise more problems will ensue.  You’ve got to learn how to move forward and reconcile with one another so your marriage can thrive.

When my guy hurts my feelings, which he does because he’s human and because I’m a woman who is more sensitive than he is, I have learned that I need to share those hurt feelings with him.

Over the course of my marriage, I’ve tried to apply a few steps first:

1)  I have learned that my husband is not designed to meet all of my emotional needs.

2)  I remind myself that from time to time he’ll let me down.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

3)  I need to go to the Lord first and share my tears with Christ before I go to my husband.  Sometimes in my life whether it’s circumstances or hormones, my emotions are just over the top and they don’t need to be shared with my man, after all, he’s not my Savior and he can’t fix all of my many issues or insecurities.

4)  After I’ve sought the Lord, and I think it’s best for our marital relationship, then I go to my man and I share my heart with him.  I try to speak to my husband with a loving and gracious tone because my goal is not to accuse him of his shortcomings, but rather to seek to build and restore our relationship.  I let him know that he’s hurt my feelings with either the words he’s said or the actions he’s displayed.  I do this because sometimes he may not even realize that he has offended me. The Scriptures tell him to dwell with me with understanding, but he can’t do this if he doesn’t know what’s bothering me.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together
of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.  1 Peter 3:7

5)  I won’t stuff my feelings and pretend everything is fine, otherwise, this will send me on the path to becoming a bitter wife who will soon have a platonic marriage.

We discuss things, work it out, forgive one another and move on so we can both enjoy our times of intimacy.

Not wanting to be intimate with your husband?  Hurt feelings are just one reason why a wife doesn’t want to have sex with her husband.  In this post, you’ll find nineteen other reasons.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

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