My Husband Wants Me to Dress Like a Porn Star
Pornography.
It’s everywhere and it’s seems like our society is bathing in it.
At the simple click of a mouse it’s before your eyes within minutes…
Here’s one wife’s story.
Dear Jolene,
I’ve been married to my husband for 6 yrs. Well a couple yrs. ago my husband wanted me to watch porn and wanted me to start dressing up for him! I wanted to please my husband and his fantasies so I agreed to them both. Well since then, it has gotten worse. My husband wants us to watch porn all the time and expects me to dress up every time. And now its really weighing on me! We can be intimate and me not be dressed up and he’ll question me as to why I didn’t put something on!! I regularly get texts messages while at work, asking me if I’ll dress up for him that night?? It makes intimacy not feel intimate. I feel like I have to put on a show for him and keep up with the porn stars! And I know that porn is a sin and wrong. I feel ashamed and want to stop! I just wanted to fulfill my husbands fantasies and now its gone to far!!
I feel like he wants to be married to a porn star!! I can’t keep up with all his fantasies. Am I wrong? Should I be willing to dress up every time we make love?? I know we are suppose to not deny our husbands. I think he thinks that sex should be like the movies. I’m so lost! I don’t know how to get it through to him and I don’t want to deny my husband, but how can I get in the mood when I feel this kind of pressure?
~a wife who feels like a porn star
Here’s my response to her via video.
Your man has become addicted to porn and he’s wanting to have sex like what’s played out on the screen. Unfortunately, he’s living in a fantasy world instead of reality.
This is the part that hurts your heart.
This is the part where the wife says, “Aren’t I enough?”
This is the part where she feels like she’ll never measure up.
And this is the part where sex does not feel like making love… it feels like sex. It has become just a physical act as opposed to an emotional and spiritual connection that loving-making brings.
And this is why the tears fall down your face and the arguments ensue in your marriage.
There’s a reason why the Bible says not to put anything wicked before our eyes. It’s because it’s detrimental to our souls.
I will set nothing wicked before my eyes. Psalm 101:3
The eye is the lamp of the body. Luke 11:34
Ultimately you have the choice of fearing God with your actions or fearing you will disappoint your husband and his sin.
I personally think this an easy choice to make.
But should you sexually deny your husband because of this? No. Absolutely not.
Should you continue to watch porn with him? No. Absolutely not.
Should you encourage him to get help for his addiction? Yes!
Can you wear lingerie for him? Of course. The issue isn’t the wearing of lingerie, the issue is you being required to wear it in order for him to have sex with you. A man who is not addicted to porn could certainly enjoy physical intimacy with his wife if she wore absolutely nothing to bed.
There is nothing wrong with sharing your heart about this with your man and establishing boundaries regarding this aspect of your relationship. Obviously when speaking to him it should be said in a loving, humble and gracious way.
Anything else to add? Please share in the comments below.
Another post related to sexual sin in marriage, read here.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
I’m linking up with: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum.
