Stay Engaged to the One You’re Married To…& a Link Up!
Do you remember the time of your wedding engagement? How you were just so giddy and in love with your man? You longed to see him. Perhaps you couldn’t wait to be held in his arms and receive that sweet tender kiss from him. And you were so filled with excitement and anticipation as you were about to become his wife! He wooed you didn’t he? Pursued you? Hung on your every word? Complimented you? You felt treasured and special. You knew he was the one for you.
But now that you’re married, it’s easy to see the problems, bad habits, self-centeredness, and insensitivities that he has. Your man is no longer focused on you because his focus has shifted. (Just like yours has.) Perhaps now your husband is consumed with providing for you and the kids. Maybe he’s focused on schooling or finding a new career, job, or building a business. Perhaps he has fallen and gotten knocked down in life. Maybe he has experienced a chronic and debilitating illness or lost a job or maybe he just can’t figure life out and he’s having a hard time getting back up again.
These things are common in all marriages, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret to a wonderful marriage….There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, (so don’t buy the lie from the Enemy). Even the experts don’t have a perfect marriage. And how do I know this? Because marriage consist of two sinners and therefore it’s impossible to have perfection in marriage. But just because a perfect marriage isn’t possible, that doesn’t mean a wonderful one isn’t!
If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, then you know I use wedding images in many of my marriage posts. I do so because I want the pictures to stir up and trigger in your mind the memories of your own wedding. The time when you said, “I do” to your man. The time when you couldn’t wait to be his ‘Mrs’.
10 Ways to Stay Engaged as a Married Couple
- Honor your marriage vows and be committed to your man til death do you part.* Having this resolve will help you to have the right perspective in life. You know how your vows said, ‘for better or for worse’? Well, you’d have a much more enjoyable marriage if you intentionally choose the better attitude regardless of the trials you face. It’s all in one’s perspective!
- Build your husband up instead of tearing him down. It’s in our thought process and mindsets where many of our problems are with our husbands. If we go through life thinking our man is a no-good, rotten, loser of a husband, then we’ll look for ways to prove our thinking. If we set out to find the good things in our man, then that’s what we’ll focus on. It’s funny how when we marry we see no faults in our guys, isn’t it? But the reality is, there are faults in all of us, it’s just that at the time of our dating/courting/engagement, we chose to overlook our man’s shortcomings. Well in marriage, that’s what we need to do for a lifetime; overlook their shortcomings. Be a woman who holds her man in high-esteem. Remember you once did so when you walked down the aisle to marry him! Try to recapture and/or hold on to that respect you once had for him. If it helps, put up your wedding picture where you can see it and reflect back on that sappy time you once had for your man!
- Be forgetful. Let go of your grudges because holding on to them will do you and your marriage no good. If it’s a great marriage that you desire, then welcome a little marital amnesia into your mind regarding any poor decisions, patterns, excuses, and hurts that your husband has done to you and others over the years. Extend grace and forgiveness daily.
- Be sweet and kind to him like you were when you were engaged. Put a smile on your face when you see him even if life is hard. (Life is hard for all marriages.)
- Take initiative. Plan your dates to recapture and rekindle the love you once had for your husband. I know this is so un-romantic because you think he should be planning the dates since that’s what he did before you married. However, you might be sitting around for a long time waiting for him to ask you out again! Instead, you be the one to take the first step, and over time you can talk to him about how you’d like him to plan some in the future. Quality time for you and your husband is a necessary ingredient for a great marriage. You’re investing in your marriage when you take the time to nurture it, plus you’re warding it off from predators.
- Resolve conflict in a Godly way and do so quickly. Brushing things under the rug and not dealing with problems is like throwing heaps of garbage into your home and pretending it’s not there. The reality is, it is there and if you don’t remove the trash (issues), your marriage will stink.
- Don’t seek to always win. You may win the war on words when you argue, fuss and fight with your man, but really you have lost in your relationship. So when you’re in the midst of a disagreement, ask yourself this question: Is it more important that I’m right and win this argument or is more important to build our marriage?
- Strengthen your friendship with your husband. Serve in ministry or do a hobby together. Work to stay mentally and emotionally connected to your man.
- Be affectionate with your husband. Grab for his hand and hold it. Put your arms around him and embrace him. Snuggle up and sit real close to him like you did when you were engaged. Physical connection and closeness shouldn’t leave the marriage just because babies and children have been added into the mix.
- Cleave to your man. It’s interesting how much we cleave to our men when we’re engaged, isn’t it? You can often find a bride-to-be right by her man’s side at a family gathering or outing. She’s hanging on his every word. Bringing him a plate of goodies. Catering to his every needs. Genuinely enjoying his companionship. You can see this woman is connected to her man. Carry this biblical principle over into your marriage as well. Go through the mundane as well as the storms of life cleaving to your husband. You’re marriage will be stronger as a result of this on-going practice.
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:24 (RSV)
*I will never advocate staying in a physically abusive relationship. If this is your situation, seek help and separate from your husband.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
