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When the Roles are Reversed in a Godly Marriage (Part 2)

If you missed Part 1 of this post, you’ll want to take the time to read my story so you’ll know where I’m coming from.

Today I’m discussing some how-to’s regarding this sensitive topic.

So what can you do when the roles are reversed in your marriage?

  1. Talk with your man.  Share your heart with him.  Let him know how you’d like to stay at home and take care of him and the family.
  2. If it’s not something that is financially feasible at this time, ask him when you can start to transition towards this goal.
  3. Make a goal towards this type of lifestyle.  Write down what it will take for you to stay home and commit to this plan.  Scale back on your spending and your lifestyle choices.
  4. If your man is not working at all, ask him when he thinks you can quit your job. Yes, this will put a little pressure on him, (which may cause him to rise to the occasion)  but you can say it in a way where you still think highly of him and he doesn’t think you’re attacking him.  Most men don’t like feeling useless and when they’re out of a job, this is how many of them feel!  Let him know you want to stay home and take care of him regardless of how big or small his income is.
  5. If quitting your job and him getting a job is not something that will take place anytime soon, then talk with him about your home life.  Let him know you have a tendency to stress out and freak out when you come home to a house that’s a mess.  Let him know how you’re designed to tend to the home and that’s why it bothers you so much when things are not done around the house.  And if you’re lacking intimacy in your marriage, let him know it’s one of the reasons why you’re too tired or don’t want to want to have sex.  Yes, this might get his attention!  Put a plan of action together for the running of the home so you don’t feel like you have to do it all.  By the way, you doing it all is not good for your marriage, I don’t care what society has to say about that!  You’ll be at odds with your husband when you have to juggle too many plates.  Tell your man this and let him know you don’t want to be angry, bitter, or resentful towards him, but rather, you want to enjoy each other like you did before you married.  After the two of you have laid out a plan for the home, you’ll need to be extremely gracious towards your husband when he doesn’t do the things exactly like you do.  In other words, don’t micro-manage him and learn to let things go.
  6. If it is a desire of yours, as well as a possibility, then get out of the workforce as soon as you can.  This will help both of you to thrive in your God-given roles rather than the two of you just merely surviving in your marital and family life.  Your marital relationship is more important than money in the bank.
  7. Pray without ceasing.  Pray for the Lord to give you the patience and strength to endure the workplace if it’s not His timing for you to come home and pray for your husband to be sensitive and understanding towards your heart’s desire to be a keeper of the home.

For those of you that don’t have the option of getting out of the workforce for whatever reason, remember that God has a plan for your life.  Don’t grow weary or become discouraged because there is a purpose for why He has you on this path. Remember, He works all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.  Colossians 3:23,24
Prior posts in the Helping Your Husband to Lead series:
Now how about you, friend.  Have you ever struggled with the roles being reversed in your marriage? What have you done to overcome this problem?

 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I’m linking up with:  Time-Warp Wife

 

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7 Comments

  1. Jolene,
    You’ve raised a tough subject that’s very timely. In this time of economic challenge, so many more women are joining the work force and trying to do it all at home too. Good communication about expectations is a must! Thanks for tackling this.

    1. Hi Lori,
      Yes, this is a very sensitive topic and there can be so many factors involved as to why the roles are reversed in Godly marriage. Communicating about his/hers expectations is vital in order to get through some very trying times,

  2. I’m already a stay at home mom, but I struggle with ADD and depression /anxiety, I have all my life. I’m better than I use to but still have issues with keeping up with everything there is to run a house.

    In #5 you mention that “doing it all is not good for your marriage, ” what do you mean by doing it all?

    I in no way expect my husband to come home and clean the entire house, but I do expect that if I am busy with the kids and he notices dishes aren’t done…he helps me out and does them. I’m not saying he doesn’t do anything but I would like him to do more and be supportive of the issues I have. He is neutral when it comes to my mental health. He is not mean about it but he doesn’t go out of his way to help out.

    1. Hi Liz,
      What a blessing to hear that you already stay at home! What I mean by doing it all…working outside of the home AND keeping the home. If I had to chose that path of doing both those things, I know my relationship with my husband and children would suffer as a result of me putting too much on my plate. I know some women have no other choice and God will meet their needs, but for me, I’d rather have less income and better relationships.
      As a stay at home mom and as a homeschooling mom, I feel like my work is never done. When my boys were little I felt like I was drowning just in my role of mommy, teacher, and homemaker. I had to learn that my home did not have to be in perfect order, (that’s my perfectionism seeping through!) I had to be intentional about planning meals, laundry, housekeeping, homeschooling etc. I went through all of this while dealing with Chronic Fatigue for 10 years, fibro, IBS, lupus, rupturing ovarian cysts, hormonal imbalances (which caused me to go into a depression every 10th day of my cycle for the next 20 days.) That was not my plan for my life. My plan was to be a Proverbs 31 woman who was filled with strength (and energy). I felt like a failure. But I grew spiritually during that time. And the heart of the message of the Proverbs 31 woman is this….A woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. I am that woman no matter how organized and clean my home is. No matter home many meals I make from scratch or don’t make from scratch. My homemaking skills don’t define my relationship with my Savior. Nor does yours.
      When I would be extremely ill, my husband would take over the dishes or help out with the laundry for us to just get by, but in no way was that his area of responsibility (nor did I want it to be!)
      I know what it feels like to go through life like you’re living in a fog and I’m sure that is how you feel at times. Create a plan and schedule for what you’re capable of and don’t over-commit to things in the church or outside of the home (unless these things will help you come out of your depression.) Sometimes for me I’d push through what my mind and body would tell me and I’d go to what ever function was on the schedule because it either helped me to not dwell on my trial or the outing ministered to me.

      Expressing what you’re capable of and where you’re flailing to your husband might help him dwell with you with a little more compassion. If his heart is not softened towards you while you’re expressing your vulnerabilities, ask yourself if he feels like his needs are being met. If they are not, you’ll need to work on that before you work on keeping the home. For example, if he desires having more sex with you but you’re always too tired, plan your days for making sex a priority. Take a nap and clean your bathroom on a different day! 🙂

  3. Pingback: When the Roles are Reversed in a Godly Marriage (Part 1)…& a Link Up!

  4. Thank you, Jolene for responding! I too suffer from chronic fatigue, IBS and hormonal related depression (PPD). I am not on medication because I don’t like the idea of having to take medication because my body can’t do what it is supposed to do…probably a pride thing that I need to pray about. I just don’t like medication.

    I have voiced my issues to my husband. Maybe I should just ask him 2-3 most important things I for him and the house and focus on those for a while until they become habit and then add more.

    I’m trying to work on the sex thing. DH is a paraplegic so that is different for us than a “normal” married couple. It’s enjoyable, just more work.

    Thanks again for the advice. I’m a first time reader/commenter. I have signed up for daily emails, so I don’t miss a single post. Keep up the great work, you are an inspiration for me. 🙂

    1. Hi Liz,
      Have you looked into natural bio-identical hormones? I used natural progesterone for a good 5 years and I must tell you, it made a world of difference towards my depression (and my ovarian cysts!) I didn’t go the route of western medicine because my issues were chronic therefore I didn’t want lifelong meds in my body because of the damage it could cause.
      Yes, asking your man what’s most important to him is fabulous! That’s what I did with my man and again, it made a huge difference in our marriage and it helped me to deal with less on my plate. When I could handle more, I added more.
      Wow, paraplegic! Yes, that’s different from what most of us deal with!

      Seek the Lord,
      Enjoy your husband,
      Care for your children,
      and if the house gets cleaned, then that’s an added bonus! 🙂

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