10 Ways to Know if You’re Emasculating Your Husband
In our culture today, men are being emasculated left and right by the women in their lives. Young men are even acting more and more effeminate- showing characteristics typical of a woman.
I often wonder where are all the Godly, masculine men? Well, women (especially wives) have such a tremendous influence over how the men in our lives will act based on how we act as women.
God created males and females with distinctly different roles. This doesn’t mean a woman is better than a man or a man is better than a woman. It simply means we’re different.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27
If I want to have a passionate marriage, then I need to act like a feminine woman and not expect my man to act like me. He should act like a man. But often times, if I’m not intentional with my words, actions, or attitudes, I can easily emasculate him.
Here is a simply guide to help you discern whether you are emasculating your man or not.
1.You control him.
Under the guise of being his ‘helper’ you tell him everything he needs to do. How to lead the family, parent the kids, handle the finances, take care of things around the home, what he should eat, how he should do his job, and on and on.
Challenge: Start in one area of your life and let go of your control. Instead, learn to control your emotions so they don’t cause more friction in your marriage.
Go deeper: Ask yourself and the Holy Spirit to reveal to you why you are controlling your man.
2.You mother him while you give honor and respect to your children.
Ouch. This is so easy for me to do if I’m not intentional about being my husband’s wife instead of his mommy. My kids are not the center of my universe. Jesus is. And after Jesus, then comes my husband. My children need me to parent them and they need to see me give my husband honor and respect.
Challenge: Give your husband honor and respect whether you’re feeling it or not.
3.You tell him how to manage the money.
Financial security is a huge deal to a woman! I’ve walked through the land of poverty and it ain’t no fun. But, my relationship with my man is more important to me than what’s in our bank account.
Challenge: Recognize the root issue to your heart is due to your fears. Fear is not of the Lord so don’t let fear weaken and sever your relationship. After all, your marriage is more important than money.
4.You take the lead in the marriage.
This right here is the kiss of death to your love story. And it’s exhausting! I never feel like my husband’s girlfriend when I’m in charge. So, I do my part in a biblical marriage, which is to support and respect my husband.
I happen to laugh more when the weight is on my husband’s shoulders and not on mine.
Challenge: Be intentional to step back and let him lead.
You can get the rest of this article in our private community of Christian Wife University.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle
Hi Jolene!
I think this article made great points, yet it also strengthened certain stereotypes. This is such a delicate subject and I would have liked to read what you specifically mean when you say “young men are acting more and more effiminate”? Without opening up such a claim it has the possibility of reinforcing a reader’s negative stereotype such as “boys shouldn’t cry or express their emotions”. I’m at least hoping you didn’t mean that. And also I find myself cringing when women want “Godly, manly men” and wonder where said men are. I find it to be very narrowminded and very disrespectful towards men, as if there is only one right way to be a manly man and many men don’t meet up to that standard. But I’d love to hear what you have to say. I just find that so often the “manly man” role offered to Christian men is so demanding, stereotypical and narrow, and only a few men will naturally find they fit that mold and the rest are left ashamed, faking it or forever feeling not enough, and women overlook these men or feel they don’t meet up to the standards, that they aren’t “manly men”.
I could be wrong, but the impression that I got was somewhat different. You’re right that men shouldn’t be pigeon holed into this “real men don’t cry” stereotype, but being a manly, masculine man can take so many different shapes and sizes. Any man leading his home, being passionate and disciplined, being his own man, following after God, full of conviction over what’s right, who knows himself and believes in himself, that’s a manly masculine man. I think it has more to do with the attitude. Manliness and masculinity can be expressed in hundreds of different ways.
But she has a point that a lot of men nowadays do adopt more feminine rolls because feminism teaches them to be ashamed of what makes them manly. If they want to lead, they’re labeled abusive. If they think they ought to run the finances, they’re manipulative. If they want the final say on big decisions in the home? They’re a tyrant. In many places and ways our world is not friendly to a man taking up the responsibilities that God has set aside for him.
So we end up with many men who grow more and more depressed who either opt out of marriage or adopt a helpmate role simply because it’s safer and they’ve been told that anything else is abuse. Or men who simply give up on their marriages because they’ve had all the rewarding parts of their masculinity stripped away. And men are told that this is what women want. So it can be a challenge to find a man willing to stand up and be a man and be vocal about wanting a man’s role.
I’m getting married in August and one thing I know for a fact that I’ll have to work on is control. I am pretty organized and pretty controlling when it comes to where things go and things like that. I have been praying that the Lord will allow me to loosen up and not be so controlling! It’s so hard sometimes!
https://www.littlelightonahill.com
There were only 4 of the 10 ways which I guess is enough, but if there are more I’d. Like to see them!
Hi Jim,
The rest of the list is found in our private membership community found here: https://joleneengle.mykajabi.com/cwu%20sign%20up
Why is only part of the list posted?
My ex-to be wife refuses to believe this has happened. Unintentional or not it’s abusive.
My wife undermines and emasculates me regularly. She’s always put her daughter first, too. They’re more like a partners than my wife and I are. I’m fed up but there’s no change in sight…