Are You an Overly Sensitive Wife?…and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

If you like to watch videos, then I’ve got a treat for you!  I finally did my first ‘speaking’ video.  The Lord’s been nudging me for some time to start doing videos and today I finally did it.  Thanks to my wonderful husband for his efforts.

If you’re having trouble viewing the video, click here.

For those that are not video fans (which is how I am), I already had this post written, so you can read it below.

“You’re being overly sensitive.”

Have you ever heard that statement from your husband?  Perhaps it’s your man’s way of saying you’re being ridiculous and therefore, he discounts your feelings?  Now on top of you feeling insulted you also feel unheard and unloved.

I realize a wife who is being called ‘overly sensitive’ thinks she’s alone and that no one understands her, but I’m here to tell you that I do.  I understand you because I would be considered an overly sensitive wife as well.

Sometimes our men can think we’re being overly sensitive and sometimes we can think our men are being overly rude. However, I have learned a few things over the course of my marriage as my Beloved and I have worked on bridging the gap between the two of us.  Our desire, like most married couples, is to have harmony in our marriage, therefore, we’re intentional about understanding each other.  That’s code for: he’s not always hurting my feelings and we’re communicating effectively without using unkind words, making assumptions or coming to tears, (the tears are on my part, of course!)

3 Ways to Help You Bridge the Gap with Your Husband

1. The Two of You Are Different

Honestly, I have yet to meet a wife that’s not more sensitive than her husband.  In fact, I hope she is more sensitive than her man seeing how God made her to be more nurturing, caring, and relational.  I think it would be rather odd seeing a man cry over the fact that he was having a bad hair day, he couldn’t fit into his latest jeans, a friend spoke an unkind word about him, or the kids just set him over the edge that day, but of course, that’s just my opinion.  Also, I don’t know too many husbands that would want a wife whose heart is made of stone.  Most men are drawn to the sweetness of their wives, not a wife who is callous and hard.   Furthermore, most men like to be strong and protective of their women, not the other way around.  Imagine you being the one physically protecting your husband if the two of you were being attacked by a stray dog!  You, my friend, are a sensitive woman and that’s how God created you to be.

To Do:

Recognize your differences.  Remind yourself and each other that you’re married to the opposite sex. You will see things differently and you will respond differently as a result of this constant and continual perspective.  In other words, you’ll see him as being less rude and he should see you as being less sensitive.

2. God Created Women with Lots of Hormones

Oh, the dreaded hormones!  When my hormones are raging, I know that my feelings can be completely absurd and I can’t fault my man for not understanding me, because quite frankly I don’t understand why I’m feeling the way I do sometimes.

I know there are times in my marriage where I do things for no apparent reason…..

• I don’t know why I cry.
• I don’t know why I get depressed.
• I don’t know why little things seem to set me off and I feel unloved by my husband or I feel like he’s attacking me.

Years ago, my hormones were severely out of balance and each month like clockwork my Beloved and I would get in an argument and it would end with me crying.  This became so much of the norm that my husband started to ask me in the middle of the argument if it was a certain time of the month for me?  At first, that question would infuriate me, but after arguing only once a month, month after a month, and at that time of the month, we were able to pinpoint the problem!  It’s something we laugh at now.

To help my man because of my oh, so delicate fragile emotional state that I can be in in just a matter of two seconds, I try to let him know I’m not emotionally ‘normal’ at the moment.  Something is off in my body.  So I do my part to track my cycle so I know there’s a reason for my outlandish and unpredictable emotions, that way I won’t blame him for all my problems!

To Do:

Track your menstrual cycle.  Each month mark when you start to ovulate and then pay attention to your feelings.  Are you becoming more sensitive around day 13 or 14 of your cycle?  Know when your hormones may start to affect your feelings and mood.  Share this with your husband so he can be forewarned of your changing state of mind, emotions, and attitude.

3.  Seek Ways to Help Your Husband Understand You

Most likely your man is not out to get you or make you feel unloved.  Of course this is not always the case in all marriages because some husbands are down right jerks and all they care about is themselves, but for the most part, if your husband professes to be a Believer and he has a desire to please the Lord, then he should have the right heart towards you.  Since he is commanded by God to love you like Christ loves the church, help him to fulfill that command as best he can.   One simple way to helping your husband love you as best he can is for you to communicate to him.  Now keep in mind, communicating is not nagging, criticizing, nor emotionally manipulating him.  It’s just you sharing your heart like you would with your closest girlfriend, or better yet, Jesus, your Savior!

To Do:

Go to your husband with a humble heart and share something like this with him:

Hey honey, I’m going to do my best to tell you what’s going on in my mind and with my emotions when my hormones seem to lead the charge that day. I will try to control them, or at best, let you know I’m more sensitive today than yesterday.  So please don’t tease me or try to fix my problems (unless of course I ask you to fix them) because what I really want and need from you is your love, support, acceptance, and encouragement.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:12,13

Now it’s your turn.  What else can you add to this list?

Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle