My Journey to Becoming a Godly Wife and a Link Up!

This week I received numerous emails, facebook messages and even phone calls from women asking me for marital counsel.  After hearing about their hurts and frustrations my heart was literally grieved for all wives everywhere.  Which, by the way, is an act of God because I’m not a very compassionate gal!  As the Lord continues to bring more and more people to my little online ministry home, it has struck me that I can’t help all these women and it has truly pained my heart.

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time now, then you already know that I had a past where I denied the existence of God and I was a feminist in every form of the word.  And I wasn’t about to submit to some man and sit at home and raise babies!  But one thing I have not shared with you was my understanding or should I say, my lack of understanding, of a Godly marriage.

In all my years of growing up my parents never once slept in the same bed nor did I ever hear them say “I love you” or “I’m sorry” to one another.  I also never saw them hold hands or kiss each other, and the concept of biblical submission and respect was non-existent.  Needless to say, I had a lot to learn about marriage and a great deal to overcome based on what was emulated to me.  Rather than looking to the world for answers or repeating (and justifying) the same behaviors that were taught to me, I sought Godly counsel instead.

Back in 1998, as a new bride, I was saved for about a year and half so I was still navigating my way through the Word of God and learning what it meant to be just a Godly woman.  But now I had a new role added to my life and that was now the role of a wife.  When I went on my honeymoon I made sure I went well-prepared and ready to learn so I took a few books with me.  And because these books made a great impact on me I wanted to share them with you here!

Beautiful in God’s Eyes: The Treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman by Elizabeth George
Elizabeth George writes a chapter for each verse of the Proverbs 31 woman.  She breaks down words, brings in the culture at the time, and gives practical examples and application.  I just loved this book and it gave me great understanding into my role as a Godly wife.

What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men by Patrick Morley
Wow, this book really opened up my eyes to my man!  It helped me to understand what made him tick.

The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye
The message of the book is the importance of physical intimacy with your spouse.  The author also writes about the nuts and bolts of s*x along with overcoming physical issues/limitations.  Yes, it will make you blush!

As the weeks, months, and years rolled by, I soaked up just about every bible-based book that I could get my hands on.  Now as I look back many years later, it’s like I attended a University for Godly Wives.  And being that I was an avid reader many of the authors became my mentors, my Titus 2 women so to speak, and they’ve helped shape me into the woman I am today and I’m so thankful for their advice and biblical insight.

Now I wish I could literally sit by your side and encourage and strengthen you in your journey of becoming a Godly woman and wife, but I just can’t.  While I welcome all of your questions I know that I can’t fully equip you and walk with you as an older woman helping you in your marital journey.  And writing a marriage blog post from time to time isn’t quite the same as reading a marriage book.

With that being said, I’m finally going to recommend some books that I think might help you.  But before I share those titles please know this, I was very hesitant to do so because I’m not always in agreement with what the writer has to say or perhaps I don’t care for the tone in which the counsel has been given.  As a teacher of the Word of God, I am accountable to the Lord for what I share with others and I don’t take that biblical admonition lightly.

The only book I agree with 100% is the Bible. That’s it!

Of course that doesn’t mean I haven’t been challenged, equipped, strengthened or encouraged by all those rich in Godly wisdom books that I have read, because I have. But let me insert a word of caution here, You need to test all things by the Word of God. Don’t just take my word for it, use the Bible as your filter.

But test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. 1 Thess. 5:21

So because I can’t sit down with you to hear your struggles, and know what it is that you’re specifically dealing with, I’m going to present a range of books.  Some of these books are like ‘milk’.  So if you’re new in Christ or newly married without a deep understanding of your role as a wife, then you might want to start off reading a more basic marriage book.  Other books listed here are more like the ‘meat’.

For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right.  Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.  Hebrews 5:13,14

The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson

This was a wonderful book.  It truly guided me as a young wife.  It teaches on respecting your husband rather than focusing on his shortcomings.  Short, thorough, but meaty!

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

This book certainly taught me the biblical role as a wife as well as helped me lay a proper biblical foundation for my marriage.  It’s a good book but if you are a non-reader, it is a rather slow read.  However, it is rich in biblical wisdom and guidance.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Smalley
Great book.  Very helpful and insightful, but boring.  I skipped to the important stuff!

I have read all of Elizabeth George’s books.  I guess she was ‘the teacher’ back in the day!

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

This book brings in the basic premise that men need respect and women need love.  If you’re a new Christian or a new bride, the concepts presented will help you on some level but I believe it stops short of growing your marriage to a deeper level of oneness. And, if you’ve been married for awhile but you’re struggling, this will help you with some of your symptoms/problems within your marriage.  However, when I read this book, I didn’t feel it presented a deep biblical foundation for a god-fearing marriage.  What I got out of the book was if I did ‘this’ for my husband, then I can get ‘that’ out of my marriage.  A tit for tat, if you will.  I’m more of the mindset of having a surrendered marriage to the Lord. However, when I was newly married I would not have understood that concept so I had to grow in my understanding.

Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson

This is a short book that gets to the root problems in most marriages.  It will challenge your thought process of what marriage is really suppose to be like.

Here’s an overview of the book: How would you describe the spiritual aroma of your home? The source of this aroma is the relationship between husband and wife. Many can fake an attempt at keeping God’s standards in some external way. What we cannot fake is the resulting distinctive aroma of pleasure to God. Most marriage books address the mere externals of marriage without seeking to understand the heart issues. Godly marriages proceed from an obedient heart, and the greatest desire of an obedient heart is the glory of God. ~Douglas Wilson

This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

Challenging and deep would be the words that I’d use to describe this book.  I think biblically it’s right on point.  At the time of this writing you can get this book as a free pdf.  Just click on the link and it’ll take you to the website.  Be prepared for your head to hurt because there’s a lot of big words in this one!  It took me awhile to read it, but it was worth it.

Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

I originally picked up this book because of the controversy surrounding it!  At the time I was getting ready to speak on marriage and I was looking for some books to recommend (seeing how all my resources were rather old) and I thought I’d read what Debi had to say.  I felt that she presented biblical submission and respect very well and she gave many examples…..but sometimes the author’s tone seemed to be a little too harsh for me, coming from a teacher’s perspective.    But I believe her heart was right in wanting to encourage women to embrace their god-fearing role as a wife.  Like any book, there were things in there that I didn’t fully agree with, however, I encourage you to not throw the baby out with the bathwater because there are some great points and insight in there. The reviews by others are on opposites sides of the spectrum:  you’re either gonna love it or hate it.  I personally understand both viewpoints. The counsel given can help you but it can infuriate you as well.  I think it all depends on where your heart is for the Lord, if you have a desire to grow and change, and whether or not you can get passed the writing style.

The Proverbs 31 Woman by Courtney Joseph

Thorough, short and easy to understand.  Practical examples and applications are given.  It’s a great beginner’s guide.  You can get this ebook for free, just click the link!

It’s funny, while I was preparing these resources for you, I realized that on my journey to becoming a Godly wife I didn’t read any marriage books, with the exception of The Act of Marriage by the LaHaye’s.  I guess I focused on me and my role rather than focusing on what my Beloved should’ve been doing.  It wasn’t until I started speaking on marriage that I was looking for marriage resources.  Remember, you can only change you!

No matter how many books you read or don’t read, as a wife, keep this in mind:  Live for the Lord and please Him with your whole heart.  That’s what matters most.  And remember, this is a journey of growth, it’s ongoing until the day we die.  I’m still growing even as I teach on marriage!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:17

(Note:  I don’t receive any compensation for recommending these books.)

And don’t forget to check out all of the awesome blog posts on marriage that are linked up below!

One last thing.  Can you do me a favor?  Can you share this post with others in hopes that it will help them in their journey of growing as a Godly wife?  Let’s make an impact for the Kingdom of God, shall we!

Now, how about you?  What are some ways that you’ve grown as a Godly wife?

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Now bloggers, it’s time to link up!

I’m looking for posts on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link.  Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address–that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

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I’m linking up with:  Beholding Glory, Bible Love Notes, Women Living Well, The Better Mom, Raising Arrows, A Pause on the Path, Yes They’re All Ours, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, Wifey Wednesday, Cornerstone Confessions, Far Above Rubies, Unveiled Wife,