The Sparks Will Change in Your Marriage but the Vows Never Do

She’s getting married this Saturday.

All you have to do is mention his name.

Her eyes will twinkle.

Her face will beam.

You can see the adoration she has towards him written all over her face.

The girl is in love!

And she’s excited to venture on a new journey, the journey of marriage.

Oh, how I remember those feelings.

The sparks.

The passion.

The anticipation of being his bride.

Starting our lives together.

The potential.

The dreams.

The hopes.

But after years of marriage comprised of dirty dishes and laundry, lack of sleep because of crying babies, and let’s not forget trials, it will be easy for the sparks to fade because the groom is no longer new and neither is the marital journey.

Being that I’m her aunt, I think of her and I want to protect her and encourage her in her new role as a Mrs.

And I want to tell her that over time her sparks for him will diminish.  But she won’t understand.  No bride really would.  Quite frankly, if an older woman told me that on my wedding day, I would have told her she was crazy-  because I’m gentle like that.

But I want to prepare her heart from the emotional disappointment that’s to come.  I refer to it as an in-love high that every couple comes down from.

And my heart wants to spill out into hers saying…

Work hard, my dear niece, at protecting your love for one another because the Enemy wants to destroy it.  He’ll seek to devour your love through complacency, miscommunications, unforgiveness, misunderstandings, and self-centeredness.

Be intentional about respecting your guy.  Not just for him but for you.  Because a wife needs to have respect for her man.  It helps you to continue to adore him, think highly of him, and it’s the foundation of where your sparks came from.

So when he screws up and let’s you down, talk with him about it.  Seek to forgive him and let things go.  Don’t allow one inch of bitterness towards him to reside in your heart, because bitterness in marriage is the like kiss of death.  You’ll quickly end up being roommates living in a platonic marriage rather than a having a marriage consisting of two lovers.  The latter is much more enjoyable.

Later on in life I don’t want you to be deceived and disheartened when the passion wanes.  I want to tell you it’s normal!  It’s part of everyone’s love story.  Goodness, if every couple stayed in that ‘I’m in love’ state, we’d never get anything done.  But the deceiver, he’ll want to whisper lies into your heart.  Lies like the one the world espouses when they say, “I’m no longer in love with him,” so the person wants out or she doesn’t want to work hard on her marriage.

But you, my dear, are not of this world.  The Lord has set you apart.  He’s given you and your man a purpose in your marriage- to have your relationship reflect Jesus Christ,  and so the two of you can go out and fulfill the Great Commission together.  It’s a beautiful purpose.

Today your love for one another is effortless, but at some point the newness of it all will wear off and your heart will grow a bit sad.  You might be tempted to think that you married the wrong guy.  Well, according to God, the minute the two of you were pronounced man and wife, he became the right guy!

Right now I’m giving you a mental and emotional warning to help prepare you for the mundane and status quo that will enter your marriage.  You’ll know ahead of time that there’s nothing wrong when you no longer ‘feel in love’ with your guy.  Sure, it will be harder to go through life because loving a sinner when you’re no longer walking on cloud 9 isn’t the easiest thing to do in life.   But don’t follow your heart, the heart deceives us.  Instead, follow the Word of God and the convictions of the Holy Spirit.

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?  Jer. 17:9 NLT

When the sparks fade…seek to recapture them by the things that created them in the first place.  And as you build your life with your man, you’ll soon realize that you’ll develop new sparks, sparks of adoration because of the type of worker he is, or the love he gives you when he sacrifices his time and efforts to minister to you, or the type of father he’ll one day become.

So when you say your vows this Saturday, I’ll have a chance to remember mine as I look at you standing in your wedding dress.  And your act of commitment towards your God and your guy will remind me of mine.  And when you look at your man with a twinkle in your eyes, I will look at my man with a twinkle in my eyes, even though he is your uncle.

Yes, the sparks will change, but the vows never do.  May you always seek to please the Lord Jesus Christ in your marriage, and when you do, He’ll give you sparks that will last a lifetime.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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