Why Every Christian Marriage Should be a High Maintenance Marriage

Something was off between us.  Way off.

We weren’t in harmony.

We were bickering. A LOT.

He wanted his way and I wanted mine.

I thought he was being selfish and demanding the majority of the time.  And I’m sure he thought the same of me. 

Of course we were busy with life trying to move and pack, and move and unpack.  But we weren’t new to the demands of moving and the strain it could put on one’s marriage.  Been there, done that and many times over.  So it seemed odd to me that we weren’t faring well with our current circumstances.

I started to ponder the why behind our bickering….

Besides the obvious reasons of just living through a season that is filled with high-pressure and high-demands, I needed to go deeper because I didn’t want our bickering to turn into the norm for our marriage.

Why did I feel so angry and snappy toward my husband?

And why did he feel that way toward me?

Well, I didn’t know his answer, but I was able to pinpoint mine.

It was a simple problem, really.

I felt like the neglected wife.

My emotional bank account was withdrawn.  And I’m sure his account was low, too.

So I decided to slow down and get off the merry-go-round of life because I was no longer a kind and joyful wife.

I told my husband we needed to go on a date.  Nothing expensive.  Just something for us to get away from all of our responsibilities for a little while.

So Taco Tuesday it was.

My husband happens to love fish tacos, but I don’t.  However, I do love an inexpensive dinner bill, so it was a win-win for both of us.

Now each Tuesday night we have a standing date- eating fish tacos!  This little excursion allows us to reconnect and invest in one another.

I can remember when we headed out the door that first Tuesday night.  We had to let go of all the things that weren’t completed in the house and all the business that was left unfinished.  It definitely seemed like it wasn’t a good time to go out on a date when you looked around at our situation.  But what you couldn’t see with the naked eye was the crack that was taking place in our marriage due to our lack of investment with one another.

It was at that moment that I realized we had a high maintenance marriage.  Sure, we could carry on the way we had been for the last month or so.  But over time our love would began to erode due to our bickering, not to mention the effort we were  putting forth into our other responsibilities rather than each other.

Of course working, putting a home in order, and tending to the hearts of our children are important, but those things will fall apart if our marriage falls apart, first.

Keeping our marriage a priority is of utmost importance to us and because of this, we’ve had to fight for it.

It was during this fight that we made the decision to go one step further and declare that we have a high maintenance marriage.

And then something dawned on me.  I thought every proclaiming Christian marriage should be a high maintenance one.  And here’s the reason why: because a Christian marriage should reflect the love of Christ and the Church.

In a high maintenance marriage…

• We should seek to meet one another’s needs that only a husband and wife can meet.
• We should be putting on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering.
• We should make allowances for each other’s faults and forgive one another.
• And most importantly, we should put on love.

Now I don’t know about you, but the list above could make this girl faint!  These things require a tremendous investment of our lives; spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  A God-honoring marriage is a high maintenance marriage.  Just sayin’.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.  Col. 3:12-14

I don’t mind having a high maintenance marriage, after all, it honors God, blesses my husband, strengthens my family, and proclaims the Gospel to the world around me.

How about you?  Do you have a high maintenance marriage?  If not, are you willing to start one?  Share in the comments.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene