Day 18: Differences in Marriage are Always There
Missed some posts in this series? You can read them here.
Ephesians 4:2-3 (New International Version)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
It doesn’t matter how “compatible” you think you are. Differences will arise sooner than later.
The important thing is how you manage those differences and what you do with them (how you take advantage of them and turn them into something beautiful).
My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and differences have surely come up in all senses.
To start with, we face the first evident difference: He’s a man and I’m a woman …that’s the problem, the opposites attract…but don’t forget they’re still OPPOSITES.
Second, my husband and I were raised in totally different backgrounds: he comes from a very traditional humble African family and I come from a very traditional Mexican Family. And though our cultures share lots of similarities, they are still quite different in other aspects.
The fact of being an interracial couple has put also a bit more pressure on us. Not a bad one, but where we’ve lived and where we come from is not that “common”.
Language has also played a big part in our marriage. English is not our first language, so I sometimes want to express something but the intonation suggests something completely different from what I’m trying to say…the Spanish accent and intonation might imply that I’m upset when I’m not! Lol. 😉
We do have different perspectives on church, family (extended) and raising children (because of our cultures). And when an “argument” is about to arise I’m glad that my husband and I have made the decision right from the beginning of our marriage of not letting our decisions be ruled by “my culture” or “your culture” but the “Gospel culture”.
Proverbs 17:14 (New International Version)
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
We have made of God’s word our foundation and our place to go to where difference arises.
The three most important tips I can give you when solving differences in Marriage are:
1.- Go to His word
2.- Welcome the differences, with this I mean that there should be an open mind about the differences. Hey, my culture ain’t perfect and his culture ain’t either and I have learned to “reject” or give up on several aspects of my own culture and adopt the good ones from his.
Philippians 2:2 (New International Version)
Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
3. Be willing to compromise. It doesn’t always have to be done your way. Give it up. After all, that’s what love is, isn’t?
1 Corinthians 13:5
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
What kind of differences have you faced in your marriage? How have you solved them?
Really great post.
Celebrating our differences…that is great advice. Isn’t that what often attracts us to each other in the beginning? I love that my husband and I have differences. He is strong in one area, and I in another. Our gifts are different, too…and complement each other. What is important is to follow God’s way and keep Him at the center of the marriage. Thanks for sharing your story! Blessings to you! Joan
Really loved this. In my own marriage my husband and I are very different (especially in our background and how we were raised) but we use those differences to compliment one another and that helps us to have a beautiful well balanced relationship. I love the wisdom you share here and I love that you give up the bad from your culture to adopt the good from his and that he does the same for you. I think this is wisdom that should apply to all marriages.
Wonderful post! This post helped me figure out an answer to a dispute. I asked God to help and then I saw the part with Proverbs 17:4. I called him and we’re good now 🙂
Love this. I’m a British Nigerian born and raised in the UK, married to a Ghanaian. We have a whole load of differences too but thank God, the Lord and ourr love for each other are common factors.
I love that… differences may be good, but they are still differences, and we have to be mindful of that…instead of putting down our differences, It’s better to respect the other person’s way of doing things, and learn to love them as they are instead of trying to change them.
Thanks for sharing!