The Main Ingredient to Grow Your Marriage

Today I spent some time thinking about you, dear reader.  Yes, you.   My recent post, 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex, has stirred up some openness in women as they’ve shared their hearts and hurts on infidelity, pornography, sexual abuse, marital/sexual problems, etc.

I’ve read countless testimonies and comments from hurting wives all over the internet and my heart is just broken for all who are in painful and struggling marriages.  I literally wept for you.  I know that sounds absurd, but it’s true.  

Now let me just say right now that I’m not the weepy, overly-emotional, feeling-oriented, type of gal.  And being a woman, I’m not sure why that is.  I’ve often thought it was because I had more testosterone in my body than most women.  Or maybe it was because I was raised with all boys and have boys myself.  Soft and delicate are two words that are not common in my vocabulary.  Or perhaps it’s all the walls that I’ve built around me that keeps me somewhat numb, closed off.  I tell you all this because it’s not in my fleshly nature to be so open and compassionate to….a complete stranger.  I’m more of the reserved kinda personality.  Guarded is a better word for it.  I tend to keep people at arms distance for fear that I might be rejected or attacked.  Yeah, that’s how I roll. (And no, it’s not that time of the month for me, either!)

After years and years of chronic and debilitating illness, insert here:  my life was over as I once knew it,  and living through financial ruin, an IRS Audit, a lawsuit, and a foreclosure, (yes, it was a very fun time of my life to say the least!), these things will rock your world and I don’t mean in a good way.  I write to you as a broken vessel;  shattered would be a better term.  And I believe that if any woman walks through life long enough, you’ll be a broken vessel as well.  It’s just a matter of time.  Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

I think all marriages have an ounce (or shall I say, pounds!) of brokenness in it.  Jesus makes it clear that no one is exempt from trials.

So we’ve got this in common…  We’re broken vessels who are married. We’re gonna go through trials BUT we have Jesus Christ.

But how does that brokenness affect our marriages?  Do we throw our hands up and say there’s no use in trying to fix our problems?  Yell and scream at one another?  Blame each other?  Allow bitterness to grow in our hearts?  Do we throw in the towel?  Seek a divorce?  Live parallel lives and stay married for the sake of the children?

No.  None of those are the right answers.

Instead we need to turn to the Lord and grow in Him.  Grow in His understanding, His wisdom, His love.  His grace and mercy.

Jesus sees the good in me.  He sees my heart.  He knows my strengths and weaknesses.  And He knows every single one of my dirty rotten sins.  He knows every ounce of my being, and yet, He STILL LOVES ME!  Now my Beloved is an honorable man and one that I do not deserve.  He tries to emulate that Christ-like love that’s listed out for a husband, but of course like all men, he falls short.  He’ll never be able to fully know me, love me, and accept me the way that Christ does.

My friend, Jesus has this same type of love and acceptance of you, as well.