What’s a Wife to do When She Doesn’t Want to Have Sex?
As a new bride, the idea of not having sex with my husband was not an idea that would have ever crossed my mind. But when the newness of my marriage wore off and then intimacy struggles I faced were ushered in, I thought, now what? Do I just let the passion for my husband die? Well, I learned in those early years I had to fight to keep our spark alive.
But more years have been added to our marriage, along with more pressures of life and more wounds from the one I love. My natural default it to pull away from my husband. But I’ve learned this response won’t bring the result I’m seeking in my marriage.
A wife longs to emotionally connect with her husband. One way this happens is through sex. But if the sexual connection is gone then it won’t be long when the emotional connection is gone too.
I’m sure most wives want the emotional connection from their man.
We want to feel cherished by our guy, but sometimes we go about it the wrong way because we don’t have the relational skills needed to connect deeper to the one we married.
So, what’s a wife to do when she doesn’t want to have sex?
Personally, I believe most wives have dealt with this thought more than one time or another in their marriage. But do we just leave the thought there? Do we tell ourselves we no longer admire and respect our guy? We’re no longer attracted to him and just let our love story end? Or do we take a different action? One that is contrary to the culture and our feelings?
Scripture Reference:
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:4-5
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Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle
I have been married for over 2 1/2, years and my husband and I have never had a sexual relationship. I was married for 30 years before being widowed . I remarried 6 years later to a man never married . He is a believer but unknown to me had been addicted to open for 20 years. He is the one unwilling to engage intimately in anyway . Have counseled but never for any length of time . We need help .
This is heartbreaking to hear, Linda. I would seek out biblical counsel and accountability in real life so others can walk with you (and him) through this problem. Praying for you.
What does a wife need to do when her husband gives excuses and avoids her insipte of being patient enough and understanding his circumstances ..and when he gives in he wants to finish off quickly. .
I have been married for almost 5 years now. We have a good marriage but our sex life has never been great. I am beginning to realize that it needs to improve in order for us to go from a good marriage to a great marriage. My question is, is it ok to read Christian books on how to get a better sex life? I start to feel guilty reading them even though I’m reading it to be a better wife to my husband. Please help me to know what is biblical truth and not just my preconditioning.
It would be helpful in this article to write that enjoying a satisfying and God-honoring sexual relationship with their wives is the major incentive for most men to get married in the first place And to create and raise children, too.
Those are the rwo basic fundamental differences between a Godly marriage and all other human relationships.
There is more to marriage than sexual intimacy, but a marriage without enough sexual intimacy is not a marriage. It becomes then housemate status, or the spouses are basically economic partners (at best).
That topic has been addressed in a different article. And what I write here is addressed to women, not men.
Hi Jolene,
To me, communication plays a vital role in a marriage. It is best for a woman to communicate the issue with her husband. Otherwise, the husband may misunderstand her intention for not having sex as being not attracted to him.
A couple needs not to have sex every day, but they need to pursue God together on a daily basis. People need the Lord. They should look to God, and not sex, as fuel to their inner thirst, for only the Lord can satisfy their soul.
Thank you.