How a Wife Can Confront Her Husband’s Sin and Idols
Sins. We all have them. And then you have idols. Things we bow down to. Things that rule our lives. Things that consume us. If these things go unchecked, they can quickly destroy our lives and marriages. Confronting and rebuking a husband is never easy no matter what the situation is, but sometimes it’s necessary and it’s biblical! But how do you go about it in a God-honoring way?
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Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle
It’s very hard to confront the wrong doings of anyone! Esp. if husband or wife has hurt the other one deeply by not doing what is right morally! Best to just find a quiet time (we talk in the car alot, like we used to do when we first dated) to iron things out. Surely that is a suggestion for all women / men to do …go back in your minds when you dated and talked alot about this or that and do that again. I think we’re all on cycles in our lives, that tend to repeat, even some sins repeat in our own family trees. I pray for all troubled marriages !
So I am wondering if the same advice would apply to my situation.
My husband and I have been separated for over a year, we have 5 children. We live on a farm that is run by his family.
There was a big argument that led up to the steps of him actually moving out (he had been sleeping in the basement for a number of years already), I currently live in the farm home with the kids.
I am a believer and my husband was a member of our church and would attend regularly till about 3 years ago.
It was a marriage that dissolved into selfishness, criticism, anger, and was without the love and respect that we both desperately needed. As the marriage grew more and more toxic it was very difficult to live together.
As the past year has gone by, some parts of the relationship have greatly improved. He comes to dinner most evenings, there are starting to be smiles and laughter exchanged.
I am very leery to rock the boat, but realize that the current standing of the marriage is wrong and not honouring to God.
Members of the church and my parents have met with him in the past, and he was not ready to come back. He was unwilling to go to marriage counseling, he was open to meeting with the minister who married us (with some resistance).We had met a few times with the minister together but got only as far as he was not ready for a divorce and indicated that he was willing to work on things. The last meeting I left it up to my husband to set up meeting again together as the effort seemed to be one sided (last meeting was in November). He had committed to meeting with the minister himself at the time (as the minister had requested meeting with him by himself as well), but has not fulfilled that.
I do want to say this, that he has been helpful with the kids, still takes care of the family financially, he has not abandoned us. Also I have sought out counseling for myself to deal with anger issues and continue to pray and read God’s word and books on marriage.
Though things are getting better, this is not right.
So should I be going to him again, saying this situation is not honouring to God that it is sinful, if he refuses to seek help then go with other believers, if nothing still changes, then to start cutting off the dinners and start arranging time for the kids.
This has been weighing on my heart for a long time.
Thank you for your responses
Yolande,
Sounds like your husband is putting forth some effort into your family life. Which is a big deal! Based on what you’ve shared, it sounds like he’s already been confronted. Now the two of you need to move forward in your relationship. Here’s some posts for you to read so you can influence him even more:
https://joleneengle.com/10-things-a-hurting-husband-needs-from-his-wife/
https://joleneengle.com/8-habits-of-a-gracious-wife/
For further help, join us at the Wisdom for Wives On-line Conference: https://wisdomforwivesconference.com/?oid=1002_2
Hugs,
Jolene
Thank you Jolene and Anita. Read the links. Wish I had read your post on 3 Things I do to Combat Bitterness in my Marriage ages ago too.
Thank you again.
Yolande, Jolene IS the expert here. Wait for her reply. To me, do not force your husband to go to church. My husband only goes now here and there and I have accepted that over the years. I go faithfully each week *unless illness in the family* and I must stay home; only GOD can change his heart. Pray about it; he will change in time; but it’s in God’s timing, not ours. 4give, 4give and 4give. All sins are forgivable. Just be kind to each other. Glad you are laughing now and remembering good times. You don’t want bad feelings in front of your children. When I am frustrated, I go for a walk, Just like Jesus did, in the woods or in the country side, smell the flowers and feel the warmth of God’s sun on your face. Giving up is not an option. Keep your marriage. We all have tough times. I will pray for you and your family.