Got Financial Concerns in Your Life?…and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

Lately I’ve been receiving more and more emails from wives sharing about their money problems and the strains it has placed on their marriages.  Now of course I can totally understand this concern being that my Beloved and I have lived through an IRS audit, was dragged through a lawsuit, had our home foreclosed upon, couldn’t afford to pay rent for the rental home we were living in, and then we had to live with friends.  But other than those few minor hiccups in our marriage, I totally get the strains these problems can place upon your marital union.  Yes, I said minor hiccups with complete sarcasm!

Many women have shared with me their struggles and fears because I’ve been very open about all of mine.  No sense in wearing a mask portraying that my life is perfect.  It does you and I no good.  And by doing so, in essence, we’re telling the whole world that we’ve got everything under control.  Hmmm, kinda sounds like we have no need of a Savior with an approach like that, now doesn’t it?  Quite honestly though, I chose this path of openness and transparency because, well, the Lord told me to do so.   And being that I have a heart to come alongside the wounded, weary, and worried woman, it just makes plain sense to share my pain and life so others can identity with me, which in turn, allows me to minister in Jesus’ name.  So this brings me to today…

I kinda feel like I can write a book on the topic of financial struggles based on all that I’ve lived through but instead I’m going to write a series on this stuff so you can be encouraged and equipped in your mess life.

Now generally on Mondays I write to the married women. Well, today I will still address the married’s, however, this series can be used for singles and/or future brides as well.  So stay with me because what I’m sharing will help you too.

And if you’re new to The Alabaster Jar, I encourage you to subscribe to receive my future posts on this extremely important and sometimes, hair-raising, hmmm, maybe that should say, ‘hair-losing and hair-pulling topic’ instead??

Here are some things I’m going to cover in the series:

• The 3 Root Causes that Feed Your Financial Concerns- this is what I’m covering today.
• Are You Living in Financial Uncertainty?
• How to Obtain Financial Security
• Dealing with Our Attitudes–  In this post I’m going to equip you in your countenance, which is a biblical word for our attitudes.  Often times our view of money can turn us into monsters, or more like Bridezillas!  Plus, I want to help you stay connected to your husband rather than view him with utter disrespect when you’re experiencing financial woes.

Now let’s dig into today’s topic!

Got Financial Concerns?

Welcome to the club!  I would imagine there are a lot of members in this said club especially in today’s economy.  Here are the country clubs that I’ve been attending and experiencing, and perhaps you’ve been to these places as well!

I know what it’s like to have our electricity turned off because we couldn’t pay the bills.
I know what it’s like to not have much food in our pantry and not know when we can buy more.
I know what it’s like to not know where we’ll get money for our medications.
I know what it’s like to not have health insurance and a loved one is in need of medical attention.  A trip to the ER can really set a wife over the emotional edge and cause a great amount of anxiety!
I know what it’s like to have only a few bucks in our pockets and there’s no work on the horizon.
I know what it’s like to not know where we’re going to live.
I know what it’s like to forget where my home is.  I’m so not kidding on this one!  We moved so many times in such a short time that as I drove through town and my brain was on autopilot, I actually drove to the wrong house!
I know what it’s like to question where God is in all that we’re going through.
I know what it’s like to say, Is God’s grace really enough, like the song says, when in reality my boy needs shoes because he’s got holes in the bottom of his soles and it’s raining outside.
I know what it’s like to feel uncertainty, fear, exhaustion, anger, despair, apathy, and frustration.  I also know what it’s like to feel forgotten and forsaken.  I was well acquainted with all those words and emotions for years on end.

And I know what it’s like to experience long-suffering.  Rather I should venture to say life-suffering!

For the Love of Money…

Most Believers know the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. (1 Timothy 6:10) Now it’s probably hard to think that we love money when we’re just trying to pay the mortgage/rent and put food on the table, right?  Come on now, it’s not like we’re asking the Lord to give us some money so we can buy a new car or go on some elaborate vacation.  Yet, looking back over the last 5 years of our financial storms, the Lord not only taught me a few things from our experiences but He also revealed to me a few things  about the concept of money and the love I have had for it.

Do I love money so much that I distrust God?

Do I love money so much that I take my frustrations out on my husband and children or those around me?

Do I love money so much that it lessens my respect towards my man?

Do I love money so much that I allow it to threaten my marital oneness by letting it come between me and my Beloved?

Do I love money so much that I turn into a snappy, contentious, and controlling woman because I lack faith that the Lord will provide for us?

As I look over this list, my response would be yes to all of it.  Because at one time or another as I have lived through all of our financial struggles I have done all of these things to some degree. Like the time when I was disgusted with my husband over the fact that I had to go dumpster diving again for more boxes when we had just moved 10 months earlier.Why did I feel this way?  Because I’m selfish.

Why did I distrust that God would provide?  Because I lack faith and I was fearful of our future.

Why did I lash out or take out my frustrations on my husband or children?  Because I lack control over my situation.

The 3 Root Causes that Feed Our Financial Concerns

We Become Fearful

It’s scary to lose what you’re used to.  You’re not sure of what’s going to happen to you.  Where are you going to live?  Where’s the money going to come from?  What do you do when medical attention is needed?  What are you going to eat and will you have clothes to wear?  Honestly, I really think we need to look at birds more often!

“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  Matthew 6:26

We Become Controlling

You know, we sure do think highly of ourselves, don’t we?  We think we’ve got life all under control when in reality, that is the furthest thing from the truth. God is the one who’s got things under control!  Yet, we have a tendency to think if we’ve got money tucked away in our savings or 401k we’ll be okay.  Well, I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank….it’s a false sense of security because you never know what the Lord is going to take you through. If you don’t believe me, then I encourage you to go read the book of Job and see for yourself!So what does God’s daughters start to do when the finances are becoming less and less?  We turn to the Lord in prayer, right?  No, not usually.  First we freak out and then we try to control our situation.  Then, if we’re really controlling, we’ll turn to our husbands and start to control them!  This right here is key to many marital problems. 

Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.  Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

We Become Selfish

Not only do I want a beautiful roof over my head, a soft bed to sleep in, blankets and covers to keep me warm, but I want a nice fluffy pillow for my head too.  Yet, when I reflect on the verse below, I can’t help but think I’m pretty darn selfish!  And why do I say this?  Because the Lord has provided all of these things for me, however, I’m still not satisfied.  I want more and I want things my way!  Take a look at how our Savior lived so you can have a better understanding of this viewpoint.

And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.”  Luke 9:58

Yes, the reality is, the love of money causes God’s daughters to do some strange things!  When our finances are low (or non-existent) we become more fearful, controlling and selfish.  Turning our eyes to Jesus is what we need to do to overcome these issues. How about you, friend?  Have you battled with these issues? (I’d really like to know I’m not the only one!) 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle