Words from a Former Atheist, Fornicator, and Feminist

I once took a path where I embraced a life of fornication, feminism, and, oh, let’s not forget my atheistic viewpoint!  And it was just yesterday that I drove back to that city where my former lifestyle all took place.

The memories were strong.  The sights were familiar. It was a bleak and depressing scene as I traveled the freeways for a mere 30 minutes.

Being deceived by the Enemy to embrace sexual sin, to deny the existence of God, and to worship my gender left me feeling lost, broken, and bitter.

Although it’s been 16 years since I embraced the narrow-way path of being a born-again Christian, a respectful and supportive wife, mother, and homemaker, the memories of my sexual sins, my brazen feminist attitudes and actions, and the dark pit of despair I once lived, rushed to my mind.

My thoughts became anxious at first, knowing the Enemy was lurking and seeking to condemn me.  I knew if I wasn’t careful to keep my mind focused on Christ the emotions of my past were going to surface.

Condemnation was looking to join me in the driver’s seat.

And then my mood became somber. The stillness in my car gave me ample opportunity to reflect on where I had come from.

In a way, I kinda felt like I was driving to a funeral, and I guess in a sense, I was.  My old, spiritually-dead self had been replaced by the new (wo)man in Christ.  Funny thing about it is I didn’t shed one tear for that dead person!

Although the drive became a nice reminder of where I had come from and how I had grown spiritually,  I couldn’t help but think about the Scriptures that were given to the church of Ephesus as a warning of their spiritual pulse:

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen!  Revelation 2:4,5

I don’t ever want to forget what the Lord has delivered me from.  Nor do I ever want to become so busy laboring for Christ-like the Ephesians did, that I lose sight of the love I have for Him.  My relationship with Jesus is just too precious to forsake and exchange it for a woman who has a Martha attitude.

What the Lord desires of us the most is to have a heart like Mary; one of devotion and worship.

The narrow path isn’t an easy one by any means, but it is the right one and the one I’ve never regretted taking.  And learning to worship the Lord and giving Him my adoration rather than solely serving Him is a fine line I need to discern on a daily basis.

How about you, friend?  Do you ever feel like you’ve lost sight of your first love through the busyness of serving Him?

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle