The Bible’s Superwoman: My Take on the Proverbs 31 Woman
If you know anything about this woman in Proverbs 31, then most likely you feel she puts you to shame. Well, maybe not you, but she certainly puts me to shame if I’m trying to emulate her! But years ago, I stopped trying. And here’s why:
It was the King’s mama who told him what to look for in a wife. (Prov. 31:1) While all of this counsel from a mother to a son about his future wife’s characteristics, virtues, and pursuits are wise, my husband is no longer looking for a wife. He has one. For 15 years now, no less. So he’s good. His mama doesn’t need to give him anymore advice. 🙂
Instead, being that I’m his wife, I asked him what he needs from me. Novel idea isn’t it? After all, my man doesn’t need me to sew linen garments. Nor does he need me to consider a field and buy it. But there are some other aspects of the Prov. 31 woman that he does need from me.
- He needs me to be virtuous. (Prov. 31:10)
I need to high morals and standards. I need to pursue righteousness; right standing with God.
- He needs to trust me. (Prov. 31:11)
I hold his heart. No other woman in the world has access to it, so I need to treasure it and protect it so he’ll continue to share it with me.
- He needs me to be his biggest supporter. (Prov. 31:12)
I need to be a wife who is for him, rather than against him. One who believes in him. A wife who influences him for good rather than evil.
- He needs me to tend to the home. Prov. 31:13-15
My husband toils the field, he’s the provider for our family. (Genesis 3:17) And I’ve chosen to be a keeper of the home, more specifically, a homemaker. (Titus 2:5) So I do the grocery shopping and plan/prepare the meals for our family. If I need some help from him, I ask. Sometimes I run out of milk and he goes to the store! 🙂
- He needs me to use my mind. Prov. 31:16, 18
I’m not a feeble-minded woman who can’t think for herself. I’m quite capable of purchasing a home, or a piece of land, or even a business. I don’t do these things on a regular basis because I don’t need to. But when the need arises, I’m ready and willing. My husband and I own a company and he runs it. We work together to make wise business decisions.
- He needs me to be strong, healthy, and hardworking. Prov. 31:17
A chronically-ill wife can certainly bring some chaos to the marriage. I should know since I’ve been one for most of my marriage! So I’m careful in what I eat, how much I commit to, and to make sure I exercise since it’s good for my body.
- He would certainly want me to have a heart of compassion to help those that are less fortunate. Prov.31:20
- When clothes are needed for the family, I buy them, rather than make them. Prov. 31:21,22
I’m not a fan of sewing. Sure, I can sew a button on a piece of clothing or make a costume for a theatrical production, but I’m thankful for the local retail store where I can buy clothes!
- He needs me to respect him. Prov. 31:23
When a wife respects her husband and she does so publicly, it’s only natural for others to respect him as well.
- He doesn’t need me to run a business. Prov. 31:24
Instead of a business, I run a ministry. My husband would rather me put forth effort into building God’s kingdom, rather than our own.
- He doesn’t need me to be fearful of our future. Prov. 31:25
- He needs me to be a kind wife who seeks God’s wisdom. Prov. 31:26
- He needs me to manage the home. Prov. 31:27
I don’t need to be Superwoman, I just need to be Eric’s woman!
And by the way, my husband doesn’t place any of these demands on me. Together, we’ve chosen these pursuits because it’s good for our marriage and family life. Your pursuits will look similar to mine, but they won’t be the same because no two couples are alike!
A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. Prov. 16:9
I encourage you to open up the Proverbs 31 passage and ask your husband what he needs from you. Go through the list and write down your top priorities for your marriage. I guarantee you that when you do this, your stress-level will start to diminish and you’ll no longer feel like this Superwoman is putting you to shame! So remove the guilt, girlfriend, and go enjoy that husband of yours!!
Also, verses 28-31 are the crux to this entire passage, it’s the ‘why’ to all of these pursuits. If you want to learn more, I shared about it in my newest book, “Wives of the Bible: 25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from These Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.”
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Need some encouragement and guidance in your marriage? Grab my latest book, Wives of the Bible: 25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from these Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.
My accountability group had homework a couple months ago and with all the Proverbs 31 talk, I did a google search on being a godly wife and found something that truly made me rethink my whole role as a wife. They are “Questions for a Godly Wife.” https://www.bibchr.com/qgw.html
Thanks for the resource, Heather!
Oh, I love the resource that you posted! I wanted to pin it but because there aren’t any images, it was in-pinnable. Do you know if it is available anywhere else?
I’m going to try it! In today’s society where a woman plays ALL roles in and out of the house, it can be hard to follow. However, I also feel that may be a big reason the divorce rate is so high. Thanks for the inspiration Jolene!!!
Sounds great, Judith! No woman can do it all….well, maybe she can but she’ll feel overwhelmed and perhaps a bit guilty in areas that are being somewhat neglected.
As a 50 year old divorced man with 4 children still at home, I am intensely interested in finding a proverbs 31 woman to be my wife. So the definition of these verses in very important to me. I don’t really see them as a definition of a super woman (Fabulous woman, yes!) Summing them up what I see is a woman who is completely surrendered to the LORD, her husband, and her children. In her surrender she is exerting 100% effort in all areas of her life; home, children and marriage. She delights in her work, fulfills her responsibilities fully, and bears fruit in all endeavors. She can be counted on for wisdom, compassion and integrity.
LOVE this, Jolene.
As a working woman I delight in my full-time job. I also go to school with joy in my heart and a drive to succeed not only financially but professionally. I put my best effort in and take pride in my projects – even if it’s not perfect, I still made it with the hope of pleasing those I serve (bosses, coworkers, customers, and most importantly the Lord.)
In any case, do I not meet the requirements of a Proverbs wife? I do tend to the home so much as I can, but my husband is at home finishing up his online pharmacy tech program, so he does a good deal of the housework while I’m away.
I think it’s wonderful for you that you are able to stay home while your husband “toils the field,” but that sort of holier-than-thou approach kind of rubbed me the wrong way. In these times most of us real world females have to get outside the house and help provide for our families. We marry for love and fellowship, not solely financial stability, after all.
Is it not honorable that a Christian wife should choose to serve in the military? Should female lawyers, professors, plumbers, chefs, etc, abandon their professions upon wedding vows and childbearing? Maybe we do not all enjoy our fields, but we are part of the labor force still.
I apologize for this, but these suggestions are incredibly belittling to us career-focused ladies. My husband and I work as a team, balancing our strengths and weaknesses. I am a driven, intelligent, and creative woman. I have every right to pursue lofty dreams and ambitions as he does, even if that means I won’t be at home so often as “I should be.” I am opinionated, bullheaded, and outspoken. Am I so incredibly sinful in being so? My husband is a quiet, laid-back type and that’s ok. He knows how to stay cool in a crisis and manages the details of our household well. So maybe we don’t fit the “proper mold” of a Christ-centered marriage, but we make it work just fine.
P.S. I love your blog! Please don’t take this the wrong way. Your encouraging words have helped us through a ton of rough spots as newlyweds. I just get so frustrated being frowned upon by the pious homemakers I know for “wearing the pants” in our marriage. Which I don’t! If anything we are in one humongous pair of jeans, with each of us in a pant-leg, figuring out how to move along in stride.
I love your description of you and your husband sharing the pants, one in each leg. I’ve never heard it described as that before, but it fits perfectly! (well, if the pants fit haha). I also am in the workforce full-time and, while I’d love to be able to stay at home when we have children, I know we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get there. And for the record, I believe that if you feel the Proverbs 31 woman inspires you to do the best you can with what you have on a daily basis, then God is pleased. Especially if you’re doing it with gladness in your heart and for the glory of the Lord. I think that’s why Proverbs 31 was included in Scripture in the first place. Not to guilt working women into dropping their livelihoods and “falling in line”, but to inspire women to give 100% to whatever they do, for the right reasons. I think that any woman who tells another that they’re not the “right” kind of Proverbs 31 Woman maybe should assess her own heart first before judging or condemning someone else for doing things in a different way.