Day 11: The Blessings and Struggles of Getting Married Young
Missed some posts in this series? You can read them here.
My husband first told me he wanted to marry me before I had even graduated high school. He was already in college and ready to go, but I had grown up with the mentality that we had to be at least through college and with steady, great paying jobs before even thinking about marriage. Naturally, this little bit of news freaked me out just a bit. Well fast forward a year, I had matured in my relationship with Christ and had fallen head over heels in love with this man. So when I was 18 my husband proposed and at the ripe old ages of 19 and 21, we tied the knot before our families, friends, and God.
I firmly believe that God calls us all into marriage at different times. God has a special and unique plan for everyone. Some couples are not mature enough, haven’t come to the Lord yet, or are not ready to get married until later in life. And some are ready at 19. I want to provide encouragement to you who were married young or perhaps are struggling to understand a couple you know who wants to get married young. There are many myths concerning getting married young and in fact some people go so far as to say that marriage before 25 should be illegal, so I want to share that God’s plans for young marriages can be a good and beautiful thing.
The Blessings of Young Marriage
I am a strong proponent of getting married young – if it’s God’s will for you. Not everyone is meant to get married at 19, but not everyone is meant to get married at 30 either. We each have a unique path to walk laid out for us from the Lord. And the blessings of getting married young can be wonderful.
One of the most beautiful things about getting married young is that we have grown up together. Our faith in the Lord has grown, we have learned how to handle money, and are now tackling what it means to be parents. The Lord has grown us up together and we wouldn’t have it any other way!
“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” ~ Proverbs 5:18
We have grown up together. We had the joys of saving up for our first TV together. The heartache of realizing we need to be better at saving money. The ups and downs of finances and figuring it out all together.
We have shared beautiful memories of developing interests together like bike riding, playing games, and taking a Segway tour on the beach. And all of this has created a beautiful environment of accountability and trust within our marriage.
The Struggles You Will Face
No marriage is perfect, and getting married young won’t let you escape from the fact that you married a sinner. While there are many blessings of getting married young, there are also some unique struggles.
Often when you get married young, you have never lived on your own before. Usually, this can bring blessings but other times it can present struggles.
You must learn how to handle finances together, you are often still developing in your career, and finances can become a strain. But as long as you are open and willing to talk about things, you can develop great habits early on when it comes to how you use money, spend your time, and prioritize things in your life.
Growing in the Lord
Perhaps the biggest blessing – and struggle – of getting married young is that you are still growing in your relationship with the Lord. If you have married for the right reasons, then you are well on the right track.
Maturity in Christ takes hard work, patience, and lots and lots of love. And as a young couple you have the unique opportunity of doing this together. Whether you are a brand new Christian or have been serving the Lord for 30 years, we all have things we can learn.
Make it a daily habit – from the first day of your marriage – to establish a firm foundation in the Lord. Learn to forgive quickly, show grace to your spouse, cultivate gratitude to your spouse, and make a commitment to form a Christ Centered marriage.
Yes, this takes daily work and a commitment to always making Christ the Center of your marriage. These are lessons that all marriages can learn and many couples start off their life without Christ as the center, so it’s never too late to form this habit.
Learn to put Christ FIRST in your marriage, and then your spouse. Raising a Christ Centered household can be tough but at the end of this life, it’s the only thing that matters.
We should consistently, constantly, and fervently work towards growing together in the Lord daily through talking together, reading God’s Word, worshiping together, praying together and finding godly mentors who we can follow their examples in marriage.
Had I married my husband when God really wanted me to I would have had a very long healthy marriage with him. I didn’t trust in God’s plan and it back fired a lot on me and those in my life. So, I’m in total agreement with you. If you do marry the person God designed for you regardless of your age and you keep your marriage Christ centered it will be a long healthy marriage.
Good post.
Thanks for your comment! Gods timing relay is the best!! 🙂
My husband and I also married young – I was 18 and he was 21 – and that was almost 30 years ago! I agree with everything you’ve said and especially your last paragraph about ‘growing together in the Lord’ because then everything just seems to fall into place. We are still works in progress and we’ve weathered a lot of storms together, but we are more in love with each other than ever before and wouldn’t change a thing!
Excellent series by the way….thank you! 🙂
How wonderful! Congrats on 30 years 🙂 Its always so encouraging to hear of other Couples who got married young and God has sustained them all these years!
I would have loved all my children marrying young but it was not in God’s plans. They have all walked in Truth but my oldest married at 27, the next at almost 25, and my 24 and 26 year olds aren’t married yet. We know it will be in God’s perfect timing and rest in that!
That can be so hard! But like you said, its ALL in Gods perfect timing 🙂
Jami thanks so much for writing this post! Me and my fiance are getting married in February and we’re so excited but really nervous too! I’m only 20 and he’s 21. We’ve had unbelievable amounts of support from family and friends, however, and it’s made all the difference. I really like what you’ve written and can’t wait to share how remarkable it is to be married young! 🙂 – Tarquin @ Him, Her and Them
How wonderful!!! Congrats 🙂 Having family support can make a big difference 🙂
Great advice! My husband and I were married at the same age that you and your husband were (19 & 21)…and we wouldn’t change it for the world! The challenges we faced as newly weds were more the reaction from others than anything else. However, I remember one person whom I had known in high school. When he came into the bank where I was working and saw my name tag, he asked if I had gotten married. When I said “yes”, and expected the same negative reaction I had gotten from many other people. But, he smiled and said, “Wow…that’s so great. You found the right person earlier than so many!” His positive reaction to our marriage was so encouraging and since then, I’ve made it a point to encourage other young couple’s as well. Oh, and guess what? My husband and I have been married over 31 years! You are right about God needing to be first and at the center of marriage. That is the glue that helps keep us focused on the same thing. For us, marrying young was the right thing to do. It may not be for all people, but for us, we feel blessed to have found each other when we did!
So thankful, Joan
What an encouraging story! Thanks for sharing 🙂 Since I know bow many negative comments you will get as a young couple (even from strangers!!), I always try and encourage other young couples! I love hearing that you do the same!
My husband and I married when he was 19 and I was 20. One of the things we were told in pre-marital counselling was that people do a lot of changing ad growing between 19 and 25 so we needed to be prepared to change and grow together instead of apart. That pastor sure was right! We have been married almost 7 years and we are (especially my husband, in my opinion) very different than who we were but we are as close (closer even) as ever. I think that one thing about not having ever lived on our own before marriage is that we had less time to grow selfish in living habits. My sister (31), though she longs for a husband and children, has mentioned that she thinks that getting married is going to be a tough adjustment for her because she is so used to only considering her own wants/needs in planning her days, buying her stuff etc…
Oh I so agree with that!!! I think living on your own for a while can create far more trouble than getting married young. Yes, we have grown and changed a lot too since we got married, but we’ve done it together 🙂
Jami, this is so much wisdom in your words. I married my first husband right out of high school. He joined the Navy and we left the small town we grew up in for beautiful sunny San Diego. Five years later we were separating and getting a divorce. The struggles were too much because we didn’t have Christ at the center. All of our actions were based on selfish, sinful desires and not on each other or the union of marriage. I thought I “grew up” with him, but it wasn’t until I met my husband now (the one I believe God originally intended me to be with) that my entire transformation into a Christian lifestyle began. My husband and I have a very Christ centered marriage and we get along beautifully, even though we’ve had to face really really difficult seasons of life in the past 15 years. We’ve held hands tightly through it all and I credit God for that. He paved the way… 🙂
Thank you for sharing Rosann! Without Christ, all marriages are doomed for conflict…we need the ultimate Prince of Peace and be rooted on Christ to have a truly successful marriage! I praise God that he thought us that lesson early on (although it still seems like we need to learn it new each day ;))
We married young as well (both just turned 20). Our first years were harsh as we were learning to be adults, as well as spouses and independent people (we both moved out of our parents houses when we got married).
But, I’m glad we did it. We were forced to grow up together because of it. As such, our lives are so enmeshed and intertwined that, now that we have matured together, we have a unity that is indescribable.
I think all young adults go through that, learning how to be mature adults living for Christ…the only difference is, we did that together 🙂
Great post. Encouragement and much truth. My husband and I were very young when we married as well. He was 19 and I was 17. It was difficult to say the least. Sometimes we still struggle, all couples do. But we have learned and grown up together and I am so thankful for it!
Wow Jenifer! We don’t meet many couples who were married younger than us 😉
I have been with my husband for 25 years, since I was 17. We waited for five years after living together, because we were not Christians and thought that was a “smart” thing to do. I totally agree with the growing up together part. It was HARD, and WONDERFUL. And now with two teens girls, GOd has surprisingly softened my heart to actually HOPE they meet a solid young man sooner than later
Oh that’s wonderful!! Its funny how much your perspective can change when you are rooted in Christ 🙂
I absolutely love this, and can totally relate, as you well know, Jami! 🙂 I was married when I was not-quite-20 and my husband was 21. It’s not been easy, but oh my has it been an incredible journey so far. We are so blessed and I am SO thankful we got married when we did. I wouldn’t have had it any other way!!
Me too!! I wouldn’t change it for anything!!! 🙂
I love this post!! We married at 23 and dated exclusively through college. He was my second boyfriend and my first “real” kiss and I wouldn’t change it for anything. We have had our ups and downs and I can barely remember life before John, but we have ‘grown’ up together and as parents. I am grateful that God led me to him. Thank you for this encouragement and keep up the good work! God bless!
I married my Husband last month We got married really young, I am 165, and he is 20. we worked really hard to get married young. i graduated early, and he changed his college plans. I don’t know how many times we got told that we didn’t deserve, or that we weren’t ready to get married. i am so glad to find a blog, that actually has a good point of view on young marriage.