Day 9: Being His Friend
Missed some posts in this series? You can read them here.
From the moment we take our vows, we are committing to a life time with our mate. A life time that will bring ups and sometimes, even some downs. A life time that will bring love and happiness. However, if there is no friendship within the marriage, it is going to be a long and lonely life time.
Friendship within the marriage is vital. Friendship brings about a closeness between two people. Friendship improves intimacy.
8 Ways to Being His Friend
- Talk to each other. Our closest friends are those we talk to regularly. I am not the kind of gal who goes to lunch, has coffee, or goes shopping with my girlfriends, but I do talk to them very regularly. We need to talk to our husband. Talk to him about our experiences, our heart, our plans, our hopes, and most important, ask him about those things too.
- Laugh. Life doesn’t always have to be so serious. You laugh and joke with your girlfriends. He laughs and jokes with his buddies. So laugh and joke together. Too often we left the busyness of life bog us down. We laugh with the world and try to be everything they want us to be, but our spouse gets the tired, worn down, serious mate. It’s time to have fun.
- Do things he enjoys too. It’s not all about us. Sometimes we need to do things our guy likes. If he is into building things, be the girl standing next to him passing him tools. If he enjoys watching football, learn the sport and buy yourself a cute jersey. I am not saying become a die hard football fan, but watching the occasional game with him will tell him that you care about his passions.
- Never stop learning about him. The longer I am friends with someone, the more I learn about them. It may be things about their childhood, a dislike they have or a silly quirk. But I am always learning. Never stop learning about your husband. And when you do learn something new, file that information away as important.
- Be a listening ear for him. One thing we like about our girlfriends is that the listen to us. We need to be a listening ear for our man. Men don’t always share as often or in the same way women do, but they still need to know we are here to listen.
- Seek his counsel. It is always wise to seek our husband’s counsel no matter what. But when we need advice we tend to seek out a friend, not our man. We want to know what she thinks and how she would handle something. But if we seek our husband’s advice, it shows that not only do we respect him but that we also consider him a friend.
- Offer grace and forgiveness. We all goof up from time to time. We all need grace and we all need forgiveness. How come we are quick to offer a girlfriend grace when she wrongs us or has an attitude, but when our husband hurts us, we hold onto that grudge for awhile? Give him some grace. Forgive him and let it go.
- Pray for him. When we are having a hard time with something, we often turn to a friend. We want her to pray for us. And when a friend turns to us in a bad time, we pray for her. Do this for your husband. If he mentions a hard situation at work, not feeling well, or a strained relationship with someone, pray with him right then and there. And continue to pray for him. He needs to know he has a praying friend in his wife.
{If you do these eight things and feel like he is not responding to your plea for friendship, keep pressing on. Don’t give up on the idea and plan for friendship. Remember that to have a friend, we must be a friend. Continue to be his friend and let God work in him.}
Think about the things that makes you close to your best friend. Look for those in your mate. And more important be those things for him.
God gave us a built in best friend the day we said “I do.”
Amen to this post, Jenifer! My husband is my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He knows me better than anyone else in my life and I know him better than anyone else in his life. It makes the time we have together so much more valuable when we’re comfortable being ourselves and know we aren’t being judged, but we are loved for who we are by the person God gifted us to spend our life with. 🙂 We laugh together a lot!
That is so wonderful that you and your husband are best friends, Rosann! It does make that time together more special. Thank you for stopping by and commenting. God bless.
This was a wonderful post with so many good suggestions! The longer I’m married to my husband the more I realize how much I need his friendship (and vice versa!). Not only is it a more enjoyable way to walk through marriage, but it’s carried us through some tough times too. Thanks for the encouragment!
Oh yes it definitely makes the walk of marriage more enjoyable! Thanks for your comment Lisa!
Doing things my husband loves to do has been my greatest area of change. Having fun his way has helped solidify all areas of our marriage. I originally looked at it as an act of service. But, it evolved into a way of stretching my comfort zone. Doing stuff he likes challenges me with risk taking. It’s given me some self confidence to zip line and deep sea fish. There’s been a huge win-win. God knew what he was doing making us have complementary natures. Thanks for this great post!!!
Bonny such fun! You have learned a wonderful and valuable lesson! Thanks for stopping by and for your comment. God bless!
When my husband and I met, we were actually best friends before he even asked me to go on a date with him. I have always prided myself that I married my best friend. However, over the last 20 years, we have lost sight of that and sadly, I don’t remember the last time we laughed together…
I am being reminded so much through this 31 day journey. I am praying for God to bring us back to him and to each other. Thanks for the steps today and reminder that we once were friends!
That is so great that you married your best friend, Janet! Yes, it is easy to lose sight of the friendship as life gets in the way. I am praying with you, Janet, that God helps bring the laughter and friendship back. I am here if you need someone to talk to, jenifer@jenifermetzger.org. Thank you for stopping by!
Thank yrou Jenifer! I covet your prayers as our marriage is just simply not good right now. I’m not giving up and fight the enemy and his voices on a daily basis. I so appreciate you and you offer to talk. I just might take you up on it. I look forward to each new entry. Blessings!
Janet, sometimes we parents are so busy being mom and dad that we forget to be husband and wife to each other. It’s not too late, my friend! So glad you married your best friend and you haven’t lost him. God will bless you by helping you reconnect!
Bless you Janet! My’door’ is always open!!
well said!
Thank you Kristin! God bless!
Wonderful tips, Jenifer! I married my best friend too, we knew each other for five years before we began dating, and then we dated for two years.
Our son just married his best friend last weekend. He met her in college and they were really good friends for a year before they began dating, and they also dated for two years before marriage!
You are right in that we have to talk to one another, laugh together and have fun. For some people, friendship comes AFTER marriage, I think. It’s a process of building and growing and strengthening that relationship but it is such a blessing!
That is so wonderful that you married your best friend and so did your son! Praise God! I agree, it is a process of building and growing! Thanks for stopping by friend.
Jenifer, I loved your 8 tips especially #4, never stop learning about him! That really got me thinking! I have been married for 9 years but the friendship part was not there in the beginning! I am now trying to be a good friend for him and I am sure these tips will help!
Sunu, that’s great that you are trying now! Yes, we must never stop learning about our mate. I have once heard that when we stop learning (it was about life in general but I believe applies to marriage) that we stop growing. Thanks for stopping by!
This is an excellent post, Jenifer, as well as an excellent reminder!
Thank you Jolene! And thank you for allowing me to be a part of this series. I am honored as well as encouraged by reading each post.