At 27 years of age, I was a grown woman with an eating disorder.  At a height of 5’7, I weighed anywhere from 110-112 lbs.  I would literally starve myself on a regular basis while I worked out daily, and sometimes even twice a day.  Yet, in all my efforts, I viewed my body as ugly.

17 years have since passed and I’ve birthed two children and dealt with metabolism and hormone issues, health issues, and physical issues that have hindered my ability to exercise on a regular basis.  I can honestly tell you that my body is in worse shape now than what it was back in 1997.  Do I like this change?  Nope.  Does it spring forth insecurities in my mind?  Yep.  Am I the only woman who deals with this battle?  I don’t believe so.

Insecurities.  Lacking confidence.  Self-esteem issues.  These are all topics of letters I receive from countless women who battle theses common concerns on a regular basis.

So today I’m sharing about The Confident Wife.

Did you know that no where in the Bible it talks about self-esteem or having self-confidence?  Nope!  It’s not in there, friend.  These thoughts and attitudes are worldly words and philosophies.  Piercing, isn’t it?  Sometimes we might even want to blame our parents for not doing a good enough job esteeming us or building up our self-confidence and that’s why we have low self-esteem.  But this isn’t right.  It’s our own worship of self that brings us to our problems.

When I think about the whole self-esteem issue I see it as an idol of one’s heart.  We become so focused on self rather than on Jesus Christ.  We put our viewpoint on the throne of our lives and when we take this approach, we often hinder our ability to either serve the Lord or serve others because our selfish thoughts hold us captive.  Yes, I said selfish thoughts because that’s exactly what our insecurities are!  Our view becomes all about us.  What I look like.  How I feel in this dress.  How big my butt looks in these pants, etc. It’s all about me, myself, and I.

And here’s one of the hardest insecurities to cope with:  being intimate with our husbands.  When our minds are screaming at us about our poor body image, the last thing we want to do is have our man see us naked.  But this attitude will hinder our marriages, after all, God designed sex solely for marriage and He designed our husbands to be visual.  The Bible tells our husbands to delight in our bodies yet the insecurities that we deal with want to shut him out.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.  Prov. 5:18-19

Your body is the only naked body you husband is allowed to see.  Let him delight in it no matter how difficult that is for you.

So what does this mean for us insecure women?  When need to learn to get over our insecurities!  Whether we’re doubting our outer appearance or our abilities, we need to turn to the Word of God.

Instead of looking inward, we need to look upward!

Look Upward

Who does God say you are?

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.  Genesis 1:27

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.  Psalm 139:14

He kept him as the apple of His eye.  Deut. 32:10

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.  Psalm 34:5

Ponder Within

• What are your thoughts regarding these verses?
• Do you believe these truths?
• Do you think it’s wise to compare yourself to others?
• Is your viewpoint of yourself hindering your marital relationship?  How about your relationship with the Lord?  Are you dishonoring God when you dwell on your insecurities?  If so, do you feel like you’re telling God He screwed up and made a mistake when He made you?
• Are you placing self above others?
• What verse(s) do you need to cling to and memorize?

These are all questions and thoughts I’ve pondered over all these years and I’ve learned that my insecurities fade when I focus on my Maker.  But when I focus on self, my insecurities manifest even more!

Place Christ at the Center

In my life, I don’t really seek to become a self-confident wife, instead, I seek to become God-confident.  Self-confidence is fleeting but God-confidence will last a lifetime. You can read more about this topic, here.

The life of a Christ-Centered Wife isn’t about our strengths and weaknesses, rather it’s about Who we point others to.  When we’re busy lifting up Jesus Christ for all to see then this pursuit will smash and shatter the idol of self.  Say bye-bye to low self-esteem! 🙂

“And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself.”  John 12:32

When we let our insecurities dictate our lives, we’re essentially giving the Enemy a foothold.  We’re allowing negative thoughts to hinder our marriage bed by not showing our bodies to our husbands and/or we’re allowing our insecurities to keep us from building God’s kingdom.  Convicting, isn’t it?

Move Forward with a Biblical Perspective

In my life, I still battle my insecurities and sometimes I feel like I’m in bondage to them, therefore I need to turn to the Word.  I need to wash my mind in the Word of God, daily!

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor. 10:3-5

So friend, who will you allow to speak into your heart and mind today?  Will it be your thoughts or the Word of God?

More posts in the Becoming a Christ-Centered Wife series:

1. The Content Wife
2. The Confident Wife
3. The Wife Who Bases Her Life on the Bible rather than Her Emotions
4. The Wife Who Looks at the Cross
5. The Faith-Filled Wife (Part 1)
6. The Faith-Filled Wife (Part 2)
7. The Wise Wife
8. The Patient Wife

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle